La Vie Whitnae

Traitors

2009-06-02T15:58:00.005-04:00

Dear Mothers who tell their sons not to have relationships in college,

Fuck you, you saggy, smug, old cunts. Were you not once young? How dare you sabotage an entire generation of men already commitment phobic from having healthy relationships with girls their own age. Who are you to say when the right time to meet someone is? How dare you scare the male species into being LESS mature. You must be some kind of cold emotionless bitch to reduce a potential daughter-in-law into being your son's 'friend with benefits.' It seems to be the only way to even get a guy to consider spending time with you is to convince him that you don't want a relationship. Its women like you that reduce the majority of the female species into horny, stupid girls who settle with guys that don't deserve them. How about instead of telling your son how and when to date, instill in him some manner of how to treat the female species. Your son probably doesn't see past a big pair of tits and a tight cunt because you don't want him to "get hung up on a girl." You are a traitor to your sex.
You are contributing to the death of love and monogamy.

How the fuck do you sleep at night?
La Vie Whitnae

How to help those who won't help themselves

2009-05-01T02:13:00.002-04:00

I have a friend whose circling the gutter. He thinks the options in front of him are so grim that he slights any suggestion I make for him to try and improve himself.
I wouldn't be the happiest camper if i were him either, but... if I were him, I wouldn't write my life off because I thought it was hard, or because I didn't want to do the hard parts of it along with the easy ones.

So today based on the following advice, I follow a new policy:

"Clinical depression is a serious illness but far to often clients with depression use it as an excuse for unexceptable behavior. They begin to feel entitled because of their illness. They aren't really addressing their illness aggressively either. They become content with not working and having someone else pick up the tab for what is essentially their laziness.
This might sound like I'm bashing a mentally ill person but I've seen alot of people with depression, very severe depression, who really want to be better and so do whatever they can to continue being productive. These people force themselves to eat right, exercise, take their meds, not drink or do drugs, socialize a little, and work, even when that is a very difficult thing to do. "

Good Vs Bad

2009-04-22T03:17:00.002-04:00

I don't have the energy to write about something that requires brain work. I do have enough energy to write a list. Hopefully it'll clue in those who care about what's up.

The Bad:

1. My Mom put my cat down, I've had him since I was 6. I didn't get a chance to say goodbye.
2. I can't get a permit to shoot a student documentary in Miami this weekend. So either I shoot everything on private property (which would be mad boring) or I shoot it illegal and forgo any chance of this hitting the festival circuit.
3. I haven't been able to go to sleep before 4am this past week, even though I have to get up super early.
4. The Documentary I'm making is about how my best friend is a porn star, which my mom can't know. Which I must keep a secret from her and have to hide from her when she asks me to see the finished product.
5. My love life is dead, I don't even like anyone or find anyone within a 5 mile radius worth my time.

The Good:
1. Its almost summer. Even though I'll be on set, at least life will be simpler.
2. I'm really happy about the people I'm going to be working with next fall.
3. I have some money for the first time since March.
4. The stuff I'm working on for the most part is really satisfying.
5. I'm feeling super inspired lately.
6. There are no stupid, selfish, anti-commitment guys to deal with right now.
7. My hair is awesome... and blonde! :D
8. My upcoming projects are really promising.

FSU prepares to eliminate 21 programs and close Panama City campus

2009-04-14T01:16:00.001-04:00

http://www.tallahassee.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20090413/BREAKINGNEWS/90413030&s=d&page=3#pluckcomments

Florida State administrators this afternoon released a draft of proposed wide-sweeping cutbacks at the university, based on current reductions in state revenue.
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If enacted, they would dramatically alter the university as we know it.

Twenty-one degree programs at FSU would be eliminated, including anthropology, German, oceanography, physical education and hospitality and golf management.

Numerous other programs would be reduced, merged or restructured. The Panama City campus would close effective Jan. 1, 2010. And approximately 350 faculty members would be laid off.

“It’s almost unbearable to consider,” FSU President T.K. Wetherell said. “This is going to have a lot of ramifications.”

The draft of cutbacks came out of the university’s budget crisis committee, which met earlier today. It was the first time specific programs were targeted for elimination.

Wetherell has scheduled a town hall meeting for next Tuesday to discuss the university’s plan for addressing the massive reductions in state aid. He’s expecting members of the Faculty Senate to have a counter-proposal to the draft released on Monday.

Music professor Jayne Standley, president of FSU’s Faculty Senate, believes the Legislature holds the power to change the budget forecasts.

“These (cutbacks) don’t have to happen,” she said. “The Legislature could solve this problem by solving the revenue problem in Florida.

“The size of the cuts that may be necessary are devastating,” Standley added. “I think the sum total is overwhelming and really will damage the university that Florida State has become.”

The state Senate and House will begin debating their respective higher education budgets this week.

FSU stands to receive $28.2 million less for the 2009-10 school year than it did in 2008-09 based on the Senate version, and $78.2 million less in the current House budget.

Senator Don Gaetz, a Republican from Niceville, said he sympathizes with Wetherell and FSU.

“In the toughest economy since the Great Depression, when nobody in my district is telling me the answer to their problems is for government to get a bigger slice of the pie, I’ve cast some pretty tough votes to increase fees up and down the line,” Gaetz said.

“We looked in the basement of the Capitol to see if there was some Confederate gold buried there,” he added. “There wasn’t. There’s no magic money.”

Programs targeted for elimination:
Anthropology
Apparel Design
Geophysical Fluid Dynamics
Geological Sciences
Molecular Biophysics
Oceanography
Hospitality & Golf Management
Physical Education
Science Education (College of Education)
Geography
Behavioral Psychology
Software Engineering
Art Education
Ceramics
Sculpture
Studio Art
Recreational Management
German
Slavic Languages
Demography
Art Administration

Woody Harrelson claims he mistook photographer for zombie

2009-04-13T15:38:00.000-04:00

http://www.cnn.com/2009/SHOWBIZ/Movies/04/10/woody.harrelson.zombie/index.html

By Alan Duke
CNN

(CNN) -- Woody Harrelson defended his clash with a photographer at a New York airport Wednesday night as a case of mistaken identity -- he says he mistook the cameraman for a zombie.
Woody Harrelson says he got into a clash with a photographer because he mistook him for a zombie.

Woody Harrelson says he got into a clash with a photographer because he mistook him for a zombie.

The TMZ photographer filed a complaint with police claiming the actor damaged his camera and pushed him in the face at La Guardia Airport, according to an airport spokesman.

"We're looking into this allegation and if it's warranted, we'll turn it over to the proper authorities," said Port Authority of New York and New Jersey spokesman Ron Marsico.

The photographer, who was not identified, captured the encounter on a small camera after his larger one was broken.

Harrelson, who is being sued by another TMZ photographer for an alleged assault in 2006, did not deny his involvement.

"I wrapped a movie called 'Zombieland,' in which I was constantly under assault by zombies, then flew to New York, still very much in character," Harrelson said in a statement issued Friday by his publicist.

"With my daughter at the airport I was startled by a paparazzo, who I quite understandably mistook for a zombie," he said.

TMZ.com posted two videos of the incident, including one recorded by the larger camera before it was damaged.

The first video shows the photographer following Harrelson and his daughter down an escalator and out of the terminal. It ends with Harrelson apparently reaching for the lens.
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* Time: Zombies are the new vampires

The second video begins with the photographer accusing Harrelson of breaking his camera.

After Harrelson returns the camera to him, a scuffle appears to ensue.

"Woody, this is assault. Woody, this is assault," the photographer is heard saying. "Woody, chill out. Would you please chill out?"

The photographer continues to follow Harrelson for another four minutes as the actor and his daughter walk to the airport parking lot. At one point, Harrelson again turns toward the cameraman.

"I'm being chased by Woody Harrelson while I'm talking to you," the photographer says as he talks to an unidentified person on a cell phone.

"He hit me in my face, he broke my friggin' camera, he broke the camera in pieces," he said.

Harrelson, his daughter and a driver get inside an SUV and the encounter ends.

In the movie "Zombieland," Harrelson plays "the most frightened person on Earth" looking for refuge from zombies, according to the Internet Movie Database

Filming on the movie wrapped in Atlanta, Georgia, on Wednesday, according to director Ruben Fleischer's Web site.

TMZ photographer Josh Levine filed a lawsuit against Harrelson last year for an alleged attack outside a Hollywood nightclub in 2006.

Video of that incident, which is also posted on TMZ.com, also appeared to show Harrelson grabbing a camera and clashing with the photographer.

Los Angeles prosecutors declined to press charges against the actor, but Levine filed a suit last summer asking for $2.5 million in damages.

"Woody Harrelson has a history of anger management issues with people and we intend to put a stop to this," Cyrus Nownejad, Levine's lawyer, said Friday.

TMZ is partly owned by AOL, part of CNN's parent company, Time Warner.

vid blog 2: Challenge!

2009-02-22T19:18:00.001-05:00

Reasons why I am the perfect woman for a 35 year old professional

2009-02-22T00:32:00.000-05:00

1. Guys are scared of growing old, dating someone hot and younger makes them feel better about themselves. Being both younger and “hot” to the right people (those who like more than boobs on a stick) I fulfill those fantasies.
2. I too have strong career goals.
3. I am in my 20’s (just entered, yay) so therefore I am a ball of spontaneity and playfulness. This keeps guys enthused and is a necessary part of any relationship.
4. I am ready to try something serious.
5. Though my hands have been bitten many times (and continues to be bitten). I am still willing to hold my heart out with both hands.
6. Older guys do not always have the energy that young men do. They like to be challenged but they also like to lay back. I am not terribly athletic and enjoy my days in bed sometimes. Therefore I am a great homebody companion for lazy days. Conversely, I can never have enough sex. Who can hate that?
7. I tolerate shit for the sake of generosity and giving people a fair try.
8. I like shared showers.
9. Guys with goals turn me on, but success isn’t something that drives my emotions.
10. Getting dressed up is fun to me.
11. I’ll go to any party: wine party, kegger, or family luau… I mean really who cares. It’s a true test of two people’s relationship to see if they can really have fun wherever they go. That’s how I know my best friend Shaayna and I are made for each other.
12. I hate people who complain about getting up before noon.
13. My loyalty is not dependant on what time you come home.

In conclusion, I am tired of fucking dealing with shallow ass Tallahassee people. It doesn’t even really matter whether I want to date them, fuck them or just plain and simply to be their friend. There is something about his town that turns people into flakes. People will take your feelings and stomp on you as if you were a cigarette butt. I feel like every friendship/relationship I have up here is on a timer. Everyone just smiles and laughs as the timer ticks by. At the first sign of distaste they abandon you, and show no desire to patch things up.
I hate it.
Sometimes I think its on par with the disvalue of human life. I mean, if we don’t look at each encounter as a gift from God, who knows how we might think back on the present. Who knows what pain our rash actions today may cost us later? I wish people here could just grow the fuck up. Or I wish I could get the fuck out. Really, I just want to join a scene where people don’t take others for granted.

Dating While In A Temporary Mindset

2009-02-16T03:47:00.003-05:00

I have a new version of the "i have a friend" speak:

I am going to tell this story in first person HOWEVER...This is not about me, this story is not about anyone in particular. I just feel this lesson needs to be shared.

Sabine:
Seriously, hoW are you mad at me fore being with other guys when you yourself have been doing the same with other girls.

Jake:
Seriously, am I not with a new girl every month.

Sabine:
First of all its none of your business what I do, if you don't want to have sex with me anymore no one is forcing you.

Jake:
Look I'm not calling you a slut. I just don't want to do this activity with you because this is more of a date than I'm not comfortable with yet in the trust dept.

Sabine:
This is ridiculous, I have never fucked someone or even flirted with someone all hardcore in front of you ever. When you're with me I give you most of my attention.

Jake:
Yeah but the last two people you slept with are just a little to close for comfort in my book as far as friends go.

Sabine:
You mean the last two people you happen to know! Neither of them are your best friends. Besides, I slept with one in high school when I was 17 years old.

Jake:
Look I just don't want to go on a date with you. I like you but I just don't think you're ready for a committed relationship.

Sabine:
You spend half you week drunk after 9 pm and I get up at 8 am on the dot 6 days a week and I"M the immature irresponsible one?!?

Jake:
I just need time and I need you to-

Sabine:
Why are you doing this? Why can't we just date and see what happens? I'm not asking you to introduce me as your girlfriend and to suddenly commit to all these...things! I'm asking you to try it with me. Lets see if it works, who cares if it doesn't.
I would stop sleeping with other people if you promised me some emotional security. Let's make love instead of having sex!

Jake:
I just can't. I'm sorry, I like you a lot. I just need to hear from you that you're going to allow what we have to transform your flirtatious behavior with other guys.

Sabine:
And the minute you do the same is the minute you earn my commitment. I will not allow you to do this double standard bullshit at me twice.

Jake:
Whatever, I have never slept with one of your friends-

Sabine:
Those guys are not you friends-

Jake:
OR compared you to other people in anyway!

Sabine:
Oh yes you do. You do it everyday. I'd just rather have us be honest than lie to each other.

Dancing while laying down...

2009-02-13T18:54:00.000-05:00

Evesdropping!

2009-02-11T12:31:00.002-05:00

This is kind of old, I think by now everyone knows about the "overheard" craze. But for those who haven't its basically people writing into their overheard site (which could be organized by their college or their region) about funny shit they hear strangers say.

Here are a few of my favorites:

NY

You Look a Lot Different Vertical

Suit: Hey, Tom! Tom!
Tom: Hey there.
Suit: Nice to see you fully clothed for a change. (winks)
Tom (looks around, sees bystanders eavesdropping): Yeah, uh, (raises voice) See you at the gym, Dan. (turns around abruptly, hurries into building)

--53rd & 5th

She Pays Hobos by the Hour, to Reinforce Her Dictation

Conductor: Next stop, 81st Street, Museum of Natural History.
Mom to young son: Okay, sweetie, this is our stop for the museum.
Six-year-old boy: But mom, I wanna go to Central Park instead!
Hobo: Listen to your mother, boy! Go the museum. Git yerself some edjumicate... Edjcation...go learn something!
Six-year-old boy: Mommy, what did he say?
Mom: He said, "don't be fucking stupid." Let's go.

I Dig Chicks With Mustaches

Russian girl to hipster: What's wrong with your hair?
Hipster: I dunno, what's wrong with your face?
Russian girl: (silence)
Hipster: So, what's your name?

--Q Train

They Really Should Have Rehearsed

Intercom hijacker #1 playing rap music: All aboard, all aboard...
Intercom hijacker #2: I wanna give a shout-out to my nigga, Antoine...
Intercom hijacker #1: And my nigga Ruiz...
Conductor: If you do not get off this intercom, I will have you arrested at the next stop!
Intercom hijacker #1: Whatever, nigga. Y'all on this train can suck a dick.
Intercom hijacker #2: Y'all can die.
Intercom hijacker #1: Yeah. Y'all can die... on a dick.

--6 train

Fill My Teeth With Jelly

Asian guy: So you really love chicken, huh?
Big white guy: Actually no, its not really healthy to eat a lot of meat.
Asian guy (looking confused): But you eat all those crazy amounts of skittles in your desk, right?
Big white guy: Yeah, but I don't have any cavities. I mean, I had some and got them filled, but I don't have any cavities right now.

--Wall St

Not NY

Not the First Time He's Had to Clarify That Today

Guy: That motherfucking cop has driven past here twice in the last fifteen minutes.
Cop (on car's loudspeaker): I'm not a motherfucker.

University of Georgia
Athens, Georgia

Whoever Cares the Least Wins the Fight

Woman (sarcastically): I'm sorry, I'm such a bitch.
Man: Hmm...
Woman: You think I'm a bitch, don't you?
Man: I didn't say that.
Woman: You didn't disagree with me.
Man: You know yourself better than I do.
Woman: I can't believe you called me a bitch.
Man: I didn't call you a bitch, you called yourself a bitch.
Woman: But you didn't tell me I'm not a bitch.
Man: Because you're acting like a bitch.
Woman: See? You think I'm a bitch!
Man: I said you were acting like a bitch.
Woman: Whats the difference?
Man: Dustin Hoffman acted like a retard, but it doesn't mean he is one.
Woman: I don't know what that's supposed to mean, but you're a dick for thinking I'm a bitch.
Man: Do you mean I'm acting like a dick or I am a dick?
Woman: Fuck you! (storms out)
Man: Too easy. Caramel Macchiato please!

Starbucks
Westminster, Colorado

If I Show You a Boob, Will You Forget This Lecture Ever Happened?

Moral and religious education teacher, describing opening scene of Gridiron Gang: So the movie opens, right, and you hear all these guns going off, and everyone's gangbanging everywhere...
Students: (silence, then loud raucous laughter)
Teacher: Oh, Jesus Christ... I mean they're shooting loads at each other... Oh god, no...

Centennial Regional High School
Quebec
Canadia

Although I Do Like the Nightlife

Queer, when Bible-thumping lady splashes him with holy water: I'm a faggot, not a vampire. There's a difference.

San Luis Obispo Gay Pride Festival
San Francisco, California

Probably the Funniest Thing Ever Uttered in a Statistics Class

Indian professor with thick accent: Okay class. If I flip this coin 50 times, what is the probability that I get head?
Dude in the back: Man, I could flip a coin 100 times and I'm still not gettin' head.
(class bursts into hysterical laughter)
Indian professor: What? What did I say?

Statistics Class, George Washington University
Washington, DC

But No One Who Speaks German Could Be a Mean Guy!

American guy: Could you stamp my passport, please? It's a hobby of mine.
Passport checker to coworker, in German: These damn Americans always want something. Look, they've all got booze and bags and t-shirts. Now they want stamps.
American girl: Sir, I'd like mine stamped, too.
Passport checker, in German: I bet that girl was here to fuck guys. American girls become sluts in Europe.
American girl: Sir, that's not very nice!
Passport checker, still in German: I hate it when they know German. Then we can't talk about them!

Airport
Cologne
Germany

bffs? kkk and akc... yeah, that's what PETA thinks.

2009-02-11T01:06:00.003-05:00

Try not to wet your seats with this one folks....

Never before had I had really strong opinions about anything PETA has ever promoted. But god damn it, this is fucking hilarious.

According to PETA, the AKC is apparently trying to create a master race of dogs. Logically, this is the goal of keeping doggie bloodlines pure. I mean why else would they keep trying to create competition for shelter dogs?

Here they are in PETA's latest leaflet shaking hands with the KKK, securing their planes to breed the master dogs for the master race. Lol, only mutts are the liberal's best friend now.

To read more visit this url:

http://gothamist.com/2009/02/10/peta_protests_westminster.php

The poodles are being bred to befriend the racist. You know the world's gone to shit when the sheepdogs are growing out their fur to hide their swatstika tattoos.

God, I love PETA.

Killer of Jade

2009-02-10T23:28:00.003-05:00

So we saw this amazing film tonight in one of my film classes. It was called Killer of Sheep.

Its a MFA thesis film that was finally released in 2007 even though it was made in 1977.

Rather than tell you I'll let my thank you letter to my professor explain why this movie is so great:

"Dear Andrew,

I know this may be a cornball email of me to write but...
I just want to let you know how much one of the comments you made at the end of class really meant to me. When you were talking about how Killer of Sheep was fighting the Hollywood model of moving making... Everyone in the class was trying to find the answer to how the film would find its audience were it made today, and C.O was going on about how the sound flaws in it would make people not want to see it... Well I've been having a sort of internal conflict of morals lately, like allowing myself to become really jaded by the insecure competitive nature of my class.
Its always been in my mind that I shouldn't make movies to impress others or to gain notoriety. However, lately I've been so swept up in my f2 and doc that I'd forgotten that promise I'd made to myself. Its easy to forget that when everyone is still stuck in grade school trying to better their work for the purpose of receiving praise rather than artistic satisfaction.
So thank you for reminding me that there is more than one way/reason to make a film.

Sorry to cheese up your inbox,
Whitnae "

Here's to hoping we all remember that we shouldn't create art to impress other people. It shouldn't matter whether ten or ten million people see you film. Every eye that needs to see your film will, if you work hard on it and put a piece of yourself into it.

Break the Hollywood model of self worth by creating art for yourself, not for recognition or for your wallet.

Video Blog Exp!

2009-02-07T16:40:00.000-05:00

The song is called "Bloodstream" by Stateless.

A Letter to the Young and Immature of Tallahassee

2009-02-04T01:51:00.002-05:00

Dear Shallow Motherfuckers of Tallahassee,

I don’t want to be your friend if the only reason you want me is to entertain you. I am not like the others in this town. I will not crank out wit and petty jokes for the sake of your attention. If I choose to entertain you it is because you have earned my affection and proven that you are not simply a temporary friend. Too many times have I shared my heart with those who are not looking to learn what its really all about. Too many times have I sought companions in those who want to laugh and smile, yet hide themselves from you. I am not in search of the temporary; I have thrown myself towards wanton desires and needs before. One day you too will discover that to seek the temporary is a path of pain and shallow meaning. There is a big difference in “letting go and having fun” and that life which you lead.
Due to your blindness, you may think I’m talking about the opposite sex, or strictly about platonic friendship. You are mistaken. Connections are connections to me. I speak of them broadly because neither you nor I can truly understand what it means when we love one another. It’s a bond without definition, and its my belief that God intended it to be this way. What you do to me, to yourselves and to other is so sad.
You deny growth, you see in coming threads of maturity as threats to your youth. How naïve you are to the ways of emotional human evolutions. In public sometimes I pity you, for being so blind as to what it means to truly be temporary. God did not make us to be temporary beings, God made us to love and understand one another. God made us to experience things together, our bonds were made to last. Shedding them will only cause you to suffer in the end. In private however, your mistakes pain me. I wonder what kind of friends we could be had I met you in the near future. A future where you can see that fun can be had without denying the seeds to true companionship to grab you at your boot heels. In silence I suffer. In silence I wait for college to be over so that I may find those who wait for my roots to entwine with theirs.

Sincerely,
Me

Adrienne-ification

2009-02-02T19:57:00.004-05:00

There is a pungent smell on my breath, I stick my nose underneath my collar and close my mouth, but it still does not escape me. It is the smell of worn linen and a hint of morning breath… Most of all this smell is my mother’s. It’s the smell she carries in her short pajama dresses before she reaches for the morning coffee pot and complicates her scent even further. My Dad had the smell too, but his version was different. It scares me to think that I have already forgotten so much of what his version included.

I wonder sometimes how much I will be like my mother. Already I am showing tell tale signs of Adrienne-ifcation. I worry like her, I become forgetful of things that stress me out too much when I think of them initially. I pace around the house when its not clean, giving myself an ulcer over every little thing. I dork out in front of people I trust and shut down in front of people that I don’t. Its even starting to become apparent in the way I dress. Constantly I see reoccurring patterns in the things that I buy, everything I like it Native American, turquoise, dark earth tones, or my interest towards things that are knit. I wonder if I really like these things or whether I just miss her.

P.S: She was Sookie Stackhouse for Halloween.

True Blood is both hers and mines favorite show. (Though I doubt we could ever watch it together, that'd be a little creepy.)

United States of Tara

2009-02-02T16:53:00.003-05:00

Another genius piece of writing by Diablo Cody! But this is nothing like Juno, and dare I say, it's even better.

This sober dramedy is about a mother with multiple personality disorder, and how her family has learned to love and accept all of them.

Favorite line from the show thus far:

"Having multiple personalities disorder is like hosting an all night kegger in your head, only you're passed out and everyone else is trashing the place."

This show is the shit, please watch it. It's seriously the best thing on TV right now.

Chain, chain chain!

2009-01-30T17:35:00.000-05:00

The Rules: Create a post about yourself with 17 random thoughts, facts, goals, interesting things about yourself . See if anyone picks it up.

1. Loyalty is the hardest quailty to come by.
It seems like only a small percentage of the population even realize that interpersonal relationships, no matter what they may be, are gifts from God and should not be cast aside at the first sign of sacrifice.

2. You can never have enough sex in my book.

3. Philosophy sounds like gibberish to me most of the time.

4. The only food/drink I could never live without is juice.

5. I'm a sensory sort of person. I think the most expressive way to communicate is by touch, the least effective way being words.

6. I see the world in terms of what is and what isn't cool Production Design.

7. Prolonged isolation makes the mentally healthy people insane. I know this is true because I periodically take week long breaks from other people to have 'me' time. By the end of these periods I always need a social fresher course before I hit up large groups of people.

8. Every time I think about my mom throwing out artwork from my house that opened my imagination as a child, I want to get it tattooed to keep it close to me.

9. My favorite time to be awake and outside is from 4 am to 9 am, it follows my favorite time to be asleep; 9 am to 5 pm.

10. Ideally I would like to spend some time in Japan, but I would never want to go and live there without someone I know to keep me company.

11. Without cuddling and spooning, I wouldn't want to live anymore.

12. I'm getting over my hate of texting, but I still think its pretty impersonal. Then again, I haven't been able to keep a phone for more than few months since I graduated from High School.

13. It doesn't matter to me if I don't become a famous filmmaker. As long as the projects I make reflect myself as an artist (and I can live comfortably), none of that superficial bullshit matters to me.

14. I wish people would be more vocal about how much they love each other. It peeves me that people don't think about what they take for granted.

15. I have never been afriad to commit, the fear part usually kicks in for me mid way once I realize I might fail after I already have committed. But I'd rather live like this than to be the sort who never even tries.

16. My biggest fear is not being able to keep my loved ones close to me, or losing their mutual love for me.

17. In the end, I became a family gal after all.

The Pharmacy's Sick Joke....

2009-01-30T16:58:00.003-05:00

~Apologies for the unexplained hiatus, life runs by fast when you're busy. ~

At the beginning of this month, and after a very good new years party, I had an accident and ended up having to take Plan B for the first time in my life. Plan B, for those of you who don't know is the non generic name for the morning after pill. Here are the side effects they tell you about:

Nausea -- in up to up to 23.1 percent of women
Abdominal pain (stomach pain) -- up to 17.6 percent
Fatigue -- up to 16.9 percent
Headaches -- up to 16.8 percent
A heavier menstrual period -- up to 13.8 percent
A lighter menstrual period -- up to 12.5 percent
Dizziness -- up to 11.2 percent
Breast tenderness -- up to 10.7 percent
Vomiting -- up to 5.6 percent
Diarrhea -- up to 5 percent.

Here are the side effects they don't tell you about:

-Increased sensitivity to marijuana
-Increased sensitivity to alcohol
-Mood swings
-A MONTH of indigestion
-GREATLY increased sexual appetite

Some of those were easier to deal with than other but the last one... oh my god. I have a high sex drive as it is, but after taking Plan B, I was about ready to hump a tree. I mean really, I felt like I walk walking around with a 15 year old male dick brain rather than the brain of a 20 year old girl.
I am not exaggerating, imagine breathing heavy everytime you fucking sat down and being hard down there CONSTANTLY.

Why the fuck would they let a drug that is supposed to keep you from being pregnant make you uber horny the entire month after? Isn't that a little counter intitutive?
Sounds like a sick joke to me.

This shit really fucks with you and I don't recommend it unless you really absolutely have to. Besides having to deal with both the official side effects and the unofficial ones, the damn thing is 50 god damned dollars.

In conclusion, wear a condom girls, even if it is New Years!

Dreaming!

2008-12-11T15:06:00.003-05:00

I had a dream that my entire family and I went to the keys. I didn’t remember driving home from Tallahassee, which I thought was weird. Natasha was there too, which really made me believe that this dream was real because I really am taking her home with me tomorrow. There was a Hispanic monk guy there; we were all sitting in a backyard on the grass with wet sand in the middle of us. The monk guy had dug a hole in the middle of it and was raking the edges like a Zen garden. One of my family members went it, meditated and went out. He then asked for the next person, which ended up being me. He made me sit in the hole, in front of my entire family. He put his hand on my forehead and started to chant. He might have done Reki on me but I don’t specifically remember any being preformed. Anyway, through whenever he did to me, he forced me to meditate, but to meditate with my eyes open and with me being able to speak while I did this. It was kind of like being high on codine but with the kind of giggly warmth that pot gives you. My brother climbed into the hole with me at some point. The monk guy did the same to him. The monk guy asked him what he was feeling and what he was seeing. My brother said something about lights and stars. I think the meditation was supposed to take you to your happy place. When the monk asked me what I was seeing I told him that it was in a warm, dark place, like the womb but with markings on the walls (primitive circle patterns and designs.) My family thought it was strange that my happy place was a dark cave. They thought I was morbid and lay by nature. While I was being meditated, I remember feeling the best I’ve felt in a very long time. I woke up feeling very refreshed and in a very good mood.

Homage

2008-12-08T13:37:00.002-05:00

Today is my Dad's birthday, I wrote this sonnet on my breakfast napkin today:

Homage

Though I walk through the valley of sepia Mangoes and Bluebells,
The smell of scotch rising from their blooms merely ornery,
I fear no lording nor haunting memory.
For I know beyond the aged exposure my father dwells.

And on the day I miss him most,
a little girl dreams of a scarred, oily and familiar face.
its texture en grained upon the ground she walks, a milepost.

Pet Peeves: the offical list

2008-12-05T07:01:00.002-05:00

1. “That’s what she said jokes”
2. the Cohen Brothers
3. Chewing with your mouth open.
4. Men who want ‘blankets’ but lead you on, they’d have you think they’re genuine.
5. Girls who are okay with being ‘blankets’ and ruin it for the rest of us
6. Brown-nosers who charade themselves in front of teachers
7. Insincerity.
8. Heavy Metal.
9. African Americans who think the world is out to get them.
10. Racists who aren’t white.
11. People who talk shit about you but smile and pretend to be your best friend in front of you.
12. The new facebook.
13. People who pick on Obama just to prove they don’t support mainstream society.
14. Posers.
15. Girls who ignore you while in the company of males.
16. Scene kids.
17. Bitchy girls that you haven’t seen for over 4 years but still shit talk you.
18. People who work in porn and advertise it in front of your mom.
19. Sob stories that end in me losing a great deal of time/money or both.
20. Fox News, and those who defend it.
21. One-sided love.
22. Obnoxious, too cool for school, people under 18.
23. Friends who insist you entertain them all the time.
24. Caramel
25. Watching, or being exposed to incest.
26. Hidden onions.
27. Mushrooms, the non-trippy ones.
28. Men that don’t want relationships and lie about it.
29. Long drives (30 minutes +)
30. Touching old guy’s faces, their dry skin… its creepy.
31. Any movie I edit after about 3 hours of work.
32. Spiders and creepy crawlies.
33. Hiding things from my Mom, or the police.
34. Cute guys with girlfriends.
35. Loosing weight.
36. South Park
37. Jealousy.
38. Pretentious-ass art kids.
39. Waiting for your check to come at a restaurant.
40. The Police.
41. People who can’t differentiate comfortable and uncomfortable silences.
42. Angry pets.
43. Farting/ Queef noises, in any context.
44. Rude people who refuse to believe they are rude.
45. Irresponsibility.
46. Picky eaters.
47. Those who take love for granted.
48. Roaches.
49. Grits that are too soupy.
50. The stink of hedgehogs and their nasty ass poop.

Assignment #51

2008-12-02T20:16:00.000-05:00

Prompt:
Describe what to do with your body when you die.

Don’t let anyone hold my body after I’m really truly dead, please don’t let anyone look at it much either. The image of my mother holding my dead father in her arms still haunts me to this day. I don’t want anyone I love traumatized by a similar image of my remains after I die. I try my best to remember my father alive, happy and healthy rather than what he was reduced to after the onset of 4 stages of cancer. Please cremate it immediately after removing the useful and recyclable organs. Save a handful of my ashes for anyone that wants it. They can keep them or release them anywhere they please.
Hopefully by the time I die I’ll have found my perfect someone. I would like my ashes to fertilize a tree in an urban area (somewhere close to him, be he dead or living), use it for a plot that would otherwise have a very hard time growing without the help of my organic material. Please find somewhere close to where my loved ones resides. Put a plaque or some sort of mark to where my loved ones can find this tree and maybe even chose to do the same with their ashes near by, a sort of urban organic cemetery.
Let people decorate this tree with art. They can paint the bark (with paint that won’t hurt the tree) or hang stuff from it’s branches. Don’t make visiting the tree about honoring my memory, make visiting the tree about exploring personal creativity and family history.

introspection is a disease

2008-12-01T00:38:00.002-05:00

Nothing will happen when you want or expect it to happen. As long as you are waiting for it, it will never come. This I feel is a universal truth.

Anytime something has come when I was expecting it to... well its always been another ideal wrapped in sheep's clothing.

Applying personal happiness to this universal rule of mine makes me feel very sad. I mean fucking forget sexual happiness... They teach you that to the end of a doubt you're going to achieve that at some point in your life.... I mean like god damn. I have got to stop expecting that one to come if nothing else.

If you don't want to experience this inner Nietzsche-esque mental enema I'm experiencing tonight do not go see Synecdoche, New York. Charlie Kaufman has gotten me feeling as close to tripping as I've come without actually ingesting acid in a long ass time...

God damn it, I wish I could shut down my mind the way I shut down this computer.

A letter to Dissapointment

2008-11-08T18:26:00.002-05:00

Dear "everyone who has ever disappointed me,"

Fuck all of you. You have no idea what sincerity is, how rare it is and how to cherish it. None of you deserve the emotion I gave you. Were it not for the lessons you all taught me, our interactions together would have been completely pointless, a waste of both of our time. This lesson was, "expect nothing from those who refuse love for the sake of their own pride." You disgust me and I pity you for being so blind and narrow minded. At the climax of your insults to my feelings towards you, none of you deserve (nor will ever deserve) a fraction of what I may, or may not have felt for you; be you a former friend or something more. May you one day know what it feels like to be on the wrong end of one sided love. It is a testament to my character that after everything you put me through I am still able to love, and trust others. It sucks to know that percise that fact is the reasoning for why I am the one sitting in these shoes. A higher power decided that it was I who was the stronger and the better person. It is the reason why I am the scarfice rather than you. Perhaps it is a blessing that you can't see the lessons of our interactions the way I can. I mean, if I were in your shoes, the guilt and self dissapointment would swallow me whole. I don't know which would be worse, knowing I was a complete piece of shit or knowing that I just gave up on someone capable of never ending devotion. Maybe in this way God is merciful afterall.

You're all assholes,
Whitnae

Change we did...

2008-11-05T12:04:00.002-05:00

Last night was amazing.
From now until the day we pass, we’ll always remember where you were when it happened. The day the torch was passed a new generation took the mantle and finally took hold of our responsibility to the people of the world. The day we finally realized our potential and become empowered by the opportunity of choice. In the days and years to come our will and our resolve will be tested, and for the first time in a long time it feels like we’ll finally exceed our expectations and our beginnings. A new chapter of origins. Barack Obama’s victory over the old republic will be one that will inspire and its one that inspires and renews my own dreams.
There are doubts in my mind about whether Obama will really fulfill the vision I have of my ideal America; his position on Israel, gun rights and his relations towards the middle east. But unlike other candidates in his position I really do feel like he will listen to the voices of his people. Above al however, I feel like he will adopt people not of his color into what he considers ‘his people’ a feat a fear which most still find difficult from all ends of race.
Change has finally arrived.

# 60 from Learning to Love you More

2008-10-30T12:53:00.001-05:00

Assignment #60

Write a press release about an everyday event.

Whitnae Peters, a self described artist film student drove four hours yesterday from Tallahassee to Orlando to see her cousin who is soon to move to Amsterdam. She did so after receiving information that the director of a film, which she is soon to become second assistant camera for, would cover for her. Allowing her to miss the production meeting, which will take place in approximately four hours. She is at this moment sitting in the lobby of an Orlando hotel waiting for Dan Peters, her cousin, to get back from a sales meeting.
Staring alone at the tacky hotel décor and prominent immigrant labor force she wonders whether Erin S (who’s last name is too complicated to spell) the director of the upcoming production will keep her promise. Ms. Peters has heard many things about Ms. S, which she has immediately always dismissed as gossip and general shit talking. MS. Peters is fond of Ms. S. However, at the moment she is finding it hard to dismiss her fear that she will be penalized for leaving town during her F3 crewing cycle. Ms. Peters hasn’t really been giving the best impression to the class above her in film school and is worried this short sabbatical will be seen negatively in the eyes of her teachers and peers.
However, the luxurious hotel mattress, the jovial companionship of her cousin and divine shower she took not 2 hours ago have made this trip worthwhile in Ms. Peters’ mind.

Who's On First for the Next Generation

2008-10-28T11:08:00.000-05:00

George: Condi! Nice to see you. What's happening?

Condi: Sir, I have the report here about the new leader of China.

George: Great. Lay it on me.

Condi: Hu is the new leader of China.

George: That's what I want to know.

Condi: That's what I'm telling you.

George: That's what I'm asking you. Who is the new leader of China?

Condi: Yes.

George: I mean the fellow's name.

Condi: Hu.

George: The guy in China.

Condi: Hu.

George: The new leader of China.

Condi: Hu.

George: The Chinaman!

Condi: Hu is leading China.

George: Now whaddya' asking me for?

Condi: I'm telling you Hu is leading China.

George: Well, I'm asking you. Who is leading China?

Condi: That's the man's name.

George: That's who's name?

Condi: Yes.

George: Will you or will you not tell me the name of the new leader of China?

Condi: Yes, sir.

George: Yassir? Yassir Arafat is in China? I thought he was in the Middle East.

Condi: That's correct.

George: Then who is in China?

Condi: Yes, sir.

George: Yassir is in China?

Condi: No, sir.

George: Then who is?

Condi: Yes, sir.

George: Yassir?

Condi: No, sir.

George: Look, Condi. I need to know the name of the new leader of China. Get me the Secretary General of the U.N. on the phone.

Condi: Kofi?

George: No, thanks.

Condi: You want Kofi?

George: No.

Condi: You don't want Kofi.

George: No. But now that you mention it, I could use a glass of milk. And then get me the U.N.

Condi: Yes, sir.

George: Not Yassir! The guy at the U.N.

Condi: Kofi?

George: Milk! Will you please make the call?

Condi: And call who?

George: Who is the guy at the U.N?

Condi: Hu is the guy in China.

George: Will you stay out of China?!

Condi: Yes, sir.

George: And stay out of the Middle East! Just get me the guy at the U.N.

Condi: Kofi.

George: All right! With cream and two sugars. Now get on the phone.

Student Film Faux Pas

2008-10-24T13:34:00.003-04:00

I stole this from another website and thought it was amusing. If you must know, my school (FSU) most often commits "the slacker with the gun" cliche. They are obsessed with gangster and crime movies. Every conflict is resolved with the same brand of violence and/or a gun.

D.U.M.P.S.: Directing Unsuccessful Motion Picture Shorts

Tue, 04/10/2007 - 14:26 — Waldo

Contributors: Waldo, Keir, & Steve

"I've made it a point never to watch anyone's student film. I usually tell people, 'I'll hire you--as long as I don't have to watch your student film!' Most student films feature two things--a not particularly attractive girl running towards the camera, and a suicide. If it's a comedy, it features a not particularly attractive girl and a dog. I should know. I made one, and so did my son. But these kids are stealing jobs from me, so they must be doing something right."

Chuck Workman
Chairman of the Director's Guild of America's Academic liaison subcomittee
(As quoted in Billy Frolick's What I Really Want To Do Is Direct)

.
D.U.M.P.S. contains not the usual advice you get in film school about the elements of good screenwriting. No, no. Rather, it is a very specific list of common mistakes and trends which we've seen in crappy student films again and again at screening after screening.
Before you even think of making a student film, read this list.
If you're a genius, then go ahead--- break these rules.
But let's face it, if you think you're a genius, you're not. So play it safe and spare your audiences the uneasy task of having to lie when you ask, "So- what did you think?"

Let the list of sucking begin!

Dolly/Zoom

No question. This is the most egregious, blatantly non-creative, non-cool, total student film red flag. Sure, Hitchcock used it in Vertigo, Spielberg used it Jaws, but enough is enough. It's cliched, overused, goofy, and overall a bad idea. By the way, what we're talking about here is a simultaneous Dolly-in/Zoom-out or vice-versa which compresses the background while keeping the subject at a fixed size during the shot.
A student-film no-no. (The dolly/zoom is such a mark of a student film, it's a joke in the opening of THE BIG PICTURE.)

The Tortured Artist Film

The story goes like this. A struggling artist (writer/painter/sculptor/musician -- 90% of the time, it's a writer) grapples with some sort of inner conflict, (a dead relative, writers deadline, religious confusion, etc). Our tormented soul encounters a muse (beautiful woman, endearing older character, magical artifact, etc) who helps the protagonist come to a sort of realization which ultimately opens the creative floodgates and allows the character to succeed (finish the novel, paint the painting, sculpt the likeness of the muse, or perform at the big recital).
The Tortured Artist Film usually involves a so-called "man vs. himself" struggle which is guaranteed to put you to sleep in the first two minutes. Related to this is the "introspective shot" which usually features the main character staring into space for a good minute (usually smoking a cigarette). File this under "Pretentious as Shit."

Dream Sequences

If you don't want your student film to look like a friggin' episode of Kung Fu, stay away from dream sequences, Grasshopper. A dream sequence generally says "I couldn't think of a better way to reveal information about the character than this." So-called "funny" dream sequences are usually not.

Time-Elapse Montage

You've got say, 15 minutes to get your point across in a short film. Every second of screen time should be treated like gold. A time-elapse montage not only demonstrates an inability to structure your film pacing-wise, it makes the audience wait unnecessarily. Try to find a simple and efficient way to indicate the passage of time without resorting to this too easy narrative device.

Bad Audio

You can have a real nice looking short film, but if the sound is bad, the film itself comes across as bad. Nothing gives away a student film like the soundtrack. Budgets are tight, sure, but many student directors simply don't place any importance and give any thought to what their film sounds like. The result is often a beautiful picture with a badly mixed, distracting audio experience. In the same vein, if you're making a 16mm film, be aware of how crappy the 16mm optical track is going to sound (which is REALLY bad) and try to prepare for it.
And now, free of charge, a canonical list of BAD musical soundtrack instruments:

Synthesizer (the "porn" soundtrack)

Your friend's band (trust me, they suck)

"the lone, slow piano"

"the lone guitar" (flamenco esp.)

The "impish" clarinet

The cello dirge.

The "spirited" piccolo.

Any kind of wood blocks.

"Look at me, I'm a director!" shots

Examples include-- the gratuitous "fishbowl in the foreground" shot, the "overhead for no reason 'cept we're shooting in a soundstage" shot, the "we think it's cool canted dutch angle shot" and perhaps most insidiously the "fridge POV shot", otherwise known as the "put the camera inside the trashcan/toilet/mailbox shot". Ok, maybe you need to get this stuff out of your system, but just be warned, it's total cheese.

Ultraslow Dialogue

A film professor once told me that on a film set, one second of "real" time equals three seconds of film time. Something to remember. Watch a student film and notice how often there are long pauses between lines of dialogue.
Why is this? I don't know, but if you watch the average "real" film, you'll see that the dialogue often occurs ultra fast. Maybe it's because we can hear faster than people normally speak. Who knows. A side note-- these pauses also extenuate bad lines of dialogue. A poorly written line is going to hang in the air like a fart if not closely followed by a fresh line to cleanse the air like a gentle breeze...

Blatant Miscasting

The audience can tell when you cast your significant other as the romantic object of desire.

Don't try to pass off someone who is shall we say, "fugly", as a supermodel.

In the same vein, why do so many student films cast SAG boy wonders as the "computer nerd" who can't get a date?

Mismatched couples. Be honest: "Do you believe that SHE would go out with HIM?" Make sure the answer is "yes." The audience can only suspend their disbelief so much.

Don't have your friends play "older characters." The baby powder grey hair trick doesn't work. Neither do the fake beards.

"Eyebrow acting"

It may work at the Golden Tugboat Dinner Theatre, but it don't come off on film. What's eyebrow acting? It's an overly expressive use of facial muscles more suited to miming than screen acting. This acting technique is only acceptable in films where the characters have sex within the first four minutes.

The "Nothing Happens"
short film

A very common bad student film. Usually consists of a main character who spends his or her time talking to people about nothing of consequence. Nothing happens for up to forty-five minutes. At the end, some contrived "climax" comes out of nowhere and tries to wrap everything up, but because there has been no conflict of any sort for so long, the audience is asleep and misses it. Common threads of these films include the "personal discovery/epiphanies that go inside the main character's head" film, the "warm remembrances of my childhood that no one cares about" film, and the "Slice of Life that is more uninteresting than real life" and "funny people I know come to life on the big screen." Nearly 50% of these films include an alcoholic single parent.

The Feature Film Masquerading
as a Short Film

If you've ever sat through a screening of student films, you'll notice that often the ones that are best received are the shorter films. Now it could be argued that this is due to the simple fact that they suck and less sucking is better than more sucking. It could also be because the audience is sitting through many many student films in one evening and appreciates the shorter ones because it means the whole thing will end sooner. In the short narrative film genre, every moment is precious. It's to your advantage to make your film short but sweet-- for one thing, shorter films cost less, take less time to edit, and allow you more time to focus on making your film as tight and well designed as possible. Ask yourself when writing (and editing) the film-- is this scene necessary? Is this moment necessary?
What does it do for the audience? We call this The "Get In And Get Out" Principal. Don't cram a full length feature into the short film style. Do what your film needs to do and then get the hell out. Remember, longer isn't necessarily better. Less is more.

The One Joke Film

A good short film has got to be a collection of good ideas, not one good idea stretched out for fifteen minutes. In any event, at least make an attempt to fill your time with stuff that's actually interesting to someone other than yourself. I don't know how many bad student films I've seen that are actually about the filmmaker's uninteresting life or contain vignettes that go on and on and on. Before you shoot, make a list of all the "good ideas" in the script.
You should have lots of them. How's that for a generic tip?

The "Walk into the Camera"
Transition

This one is zany. A character walks INTO THE CAMERA LENS! And then we fade to black, or more commonly, cut to the reverse-- someone walking AWAY FROM THE CAMERA LENS! OOOooo!
What a good idea...

The zany "Slacker with a Gun" film

You're not Quentin Tarantino.
Stop trying.

Overused video effects

Keep dissolves to a minimum. They are not synonymous with cuts. Same goes for wipes, keys, etc. The 80's are over. Video effects suck.

The "Dramatic Cigarette"

A character is having a dramatic crisis: So what does he/she do? Whips out a smoke and puffs dramatically as if to say, "Look, this is so serious I'm smoking." YES, people do smoke when they are nervous or excited, or under pressure. But there's no excuse for using the long, boring "drag 'n puff" scene as a lazy alternative to finding a more original way to express the same thing.

Ramblers: The "Quest for Truth"

There are several permutations of this theme. #1. The Puzzled Scientist. The "story" deals with a puzzled reclusive scientist who learns to forgo cold, hard science for something warm, gushy and intangible, like love, god, morality, religion or free will. Films in this genre are usually condescending to the audience and set up bogus sounding explanations of scientific principals (look for glossed over references to Chaos Theory, Grand Unification Theory, Relativity, etc.) and far-fetched reconciliations of the two. Filmmakers, please: if you must write one of these and want to be taken seriously, at least do a little research so you don't insult real scientists in the audience. #2. The Venting film. Broke up with your boy/girlfriend? Please, don't make a movie about it! It's dangerous-- These self-examinatory "why my ex dumped me" films that turn into long diatribes about the nature of love, the nature of mankind, etc. are rarely insightful and usually about as interesting as listening to a friend complaining about a relationship gone bad. In short, philosophical examinations of human existence and relationships, when discussed on an abstract level, will almost guarantee that the audience will become bored and/or confused.

Shooting into Mirrors

Now don't get me wrong, shooting into a mirror can be used to great effect when used at the right time and for the right reasons. But like so many narrative devices abused by student filmmakers, the "reflective" shot has become a staple of the bad short film. "Cool! So she puts her hand mirror right there and then we can see her boyfriend yelling at her behind her and it's all in one shot. Man, I'm a genius!" -- .niaga knihT

New! Interminable Credit Sequences

We know you're excited about your film and you have a lot of people to thank, but please consider the poor audience member who has to sit through ten films. We've seen credit sequences that last longer than the film itself! Here're some things to think about: (1) Scroll fast. Real fast. (2) Small fonts are great. (3) Title cards are fast but not every crew member needs one. (4) Must you really thank your entire family tree by name?

New! Scene One: The protagonist wakes up.

There's nothing INHERENTLY wrong with starting a film with the buzz of an alarm clock, a hand slapping the snooze button, eyes fluttering open, followed by a yawn or an "oh my god, I'm late!" - But why so much of this? We see it all the time. It's as if the writer/director woke up one morning, looked around and said "Wow. This is cool!" Uh yeah. Better go back to sleep.

Why aren't zooms in general on this list?

Often in film school, the only aesthetic advice you will get is "Don't use zooms." Screw that.
Zooms are NOT on this list. That's because zooms, while potential cheese, can be used even at the student level effectively and are much cooler than most film schools even understand.

Don't Buy CITCO gas!

2008-10-22T09:43:00.000-04:00

IN ORLANDO LAST WEEK, AT A CITGO STATION REGULAR WAS PRICED AT $3.62
PER GALLON. THERE WERE NO CUSTOMERS. HOWEVER, ACROSS THE STREET
WHERE I FUELED IT WAS SELLING FOR $3.65 PER GALLON AND ALL PUMPS THERE
HAD CARS WAITING TO FUEL.

Have you noticed how the Citgo signs have disappeared in the past 7-8
months? Very clever move by Chavez. But guess what CITGO IS CHANGING
ITS NAME TO? This is serious Americans...make sure you read.

NEWS FLASH:

Chavez is NOW getting a Russian Weapons Factory built by Putin. The
RUSSIANS are building an AK-47 Kalashnikov Assault Rifle factory in
Venezuela to give armament support to Communist Rebel groups throughout
the Americas .

Chavez NOW has IRANIANS operating his oil refineries in Venezuela for
him. It is likely only a matter of time, if not already, before Chavez
has Iranian built LONG RANGE missiles, with a variety of warhead types
aimed at.... Guess Who?

CITGO is NOW in the process of changing its name to PETRO EXPRESS due
to the loss of gasoline sales in the USA due to the recent publicity
of ownership by Chavez of Venezuela.

Every dollar you spend with CITGO or PETRO EXPRESS gasoline will be
used against you, your basic human rights, and your fre
edoms. He will
start wars here in the Americas that will probably be the death of
millions.

THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT because Chavez is starting to feel the loss of
revenue from his holdings. HE OWNS CITGO. This is a very
important move which could be detrimental to our future.

A Tribute to my Mama

2008-10-12T13:45:00.004-04:00

My Mom is the warmest woman you'll ever meet. She's hilarious in this silly ridiculous kind of way but at the same time she'd not the type you mess around with. It's like no mater how hard you try you can never make a fool out of her. Before your mind can ever grasp the concept of trying to trick her in believing your mal-intentions her hand swiftly catches you mid prank. It's like she already knew what you were about to do before you did. About the only thing thats worse than being caught by her is being filed down to a small and humble piles of silt by her sharp tongue.

The thing about my mother is that she is not a fire sign, despite the severity of my memories of childhood punishment I never thought of her as any sort of conflagration. No, from day one my mother instilled in me the lessons of water. My mother had a rhythm to the way she did things, smooth, seamless and as if this was just one of the thousandth times she'd done said activity. Its how she learned to do things as well. Upon learning a new cooking technique, she was methodical studious and humble towards the tastes of the unknown. As if by showing it revernce it would honor us with a better taste than it would to an impous cook. Whenever my mother gave me advice for an issue I had she would always say, "be the water, just go with the direction of the flow and no one can touch you."

It's the best advice anyone has ever given me to date.

As the earth signed daughter of a water signed mother (and both dragons at that), we had alot of fight over. My mom has this thing about feeling that she was in control of everything around her. This is because not only is she water but she's a water and a metal sign. A stern, watchful and manipulative taskmaster that demands everything of me that she demands of herself (alot).
But you know what I love her for it. Seeing the impending sloth in those around me has really helped me see who is and who is not worth my time and emotion.

She's my favorite person in the world to sit and have a glass of wine with.

Going Coorperate; Getting Inked

2008-10-10T01:48:00.003-04:00

It really bother me now when people get cooperate tattoos.

I went to this tattoo convention tonight here in Tally, and it struck me just how many people get business logos, coca cola cans, band logos and other such riff-raff inked on their skin. Its kind of sick in a perverse way when you think how these people are rejoicing over the fact that a company has perminently embeded itself on their skin. How can a tattoo be personal or mean anything when all your doing is paying to become a walking advetisement?

Don't Vote If You Don't Care.

2008-10-07T13:39:00.000-04:00

The Accumulation of Body Art

2008-09-29T12:54:00.004-04:00

As someone who plans to eventually have a lot of tattoos in her lifetime. I'm thinking about getting a random tattoo. I mean everyone should have at least one tattoo on their body that doesn't mean something emotionally deep and personal.
I'm all for having meaning behind my tattoos, and I have a few lined up that I really do want to get done. Both those pieces are going to be big and expensive.

In the meantime, my itch to get ink done is still irritating me. So I want to get a smaller random one in the meantime. I have two ideas:

1. a camera head on a robot body

2. a pretty lemur art piece.

(The body would be in this position, but it would be a ring tailed lemur, maybe like an inverted one though, like black with white stripes).

I'm also accepting suggestions from my friends who draw and paint and so artsy shit. If I like it enough I'll get it tattooed on me. Yay, for random tattooes!

2008 Election Skinny

2008-09-21T00:58:00.001-04:00

Black teen pregnancies? A 'crisis' in black America.
White teen pregnancies? A 'blessed event.'

If you grow up in Hawaii you're 'exotic.'
Grow up in Alaska eating mooseburgers, you're the quintessential 'American story.'

Similarly, if you name your kid Barack you're 'unpatriotic.'
Name your kids Trig and Track, you're 'colorful.'

If you're a Democrat and you make a VP pick without fully vetting the individual you're 'reckless.'
A Republican who doesn't fully vet is a 'maverick.'

If you spend 3 years as a community organizer growing your organization from a staff of 1 to 13 and your budget from $70,000 to $400,000, then become the first black President of the Harvard Law Review,create a voter regstration drive that registers 150,000 new African Amerian voters, spend 12 years as a Constitutional Law professor,then spend nearly 8 more years as a State Senator representing a district with over 750,000 people, becoming chairman of the state Senate's Health and Human Services committee, then spend nearly 4 years in the United States Senate representing a state of nearly 13 million people, sponsoring 131 bills and serving on the Foreign Affairs, Environment and Public Works and Veteran's Affairs committees, you are woefully inexperienced.
If you spend 4 years on the city council and 6 years as the mayor of a town with less than 7,000 people, then spend 20 months as the governor of a state with 650,000 people, you've got the most executive experience of anyone on either ticket, are the Commander in Chief of the Alaska military and are well qualified to lead the nation should you be called upon to do so because your state is the closest state to Russia.

If you are a Demoratic male candidate who is popular with millions of people you are an 'arrogant celebrity'.
If you are a popular Republican female candidate you are 'energizing the base'.

If you are a younger male candidate who thinks for himself and makes his own decisions you are 'presumptuous'.
If you are an older male candidate who makes last minute decisions you refuse to explain, you are a 'shoot from the hip' maverick.

If you are a candidate with a Harvard law degree you are 'an elitist 'out of touch' with the real America.
If you are a legacy (dad and granddad were admirals) graduate of Annapolis, with multiple disciplinary infractions you are a hero.

If you manage a multi-million dollar nationwide campaign, you are an 'empty suit'.
If you are a part time mayor of a town of 7000 people, you are an 'experienced executive'.

If you go to a south side Chicago church, your beliefs are 'extremist'.
If you believe in creationism and don't believe gobal warming is man made, you are 'strongly principled'.

If you cheated on your first wife with a rich heiress, and left your disfigured wife and married the heiress the next month, you're a Christian.
If you have been married to the same woman for 19 years with whom you are raising two beautiful daughters you're 'risky'.

If you're a black single mother of 4 who waits for 22 hours after her water breaks to seek medical attention, you're an irresponsible parent, endangering the life of your unborn child.
But if you're a white married mother who waits 22 hours, you're spunky.

If you're a 13-year-old Chelsea Clinton, the right-wing press calls you 'First dog.'
If you're a 17-year old pregnant unwed daughter of a Republican, the right-wing press calls you 'beautiful' and 'courageous.'

If you kill an endangered species, you're an excellent hunter.
If you have an abortion you're not a christian, you're a murderer ( forget about if it happened while being date raped)

If you teach abstinence only in sex education, you get teen parents.
If you teach responsible age appropriate sex education, including the proper use of birth control, you are eroding the fiber of society.

Movies are my Life!

2008-09-18T11:03:00.011-04:00

Its amazing to have occured but over the past few weeks of working on my filmmaking, I have learned that I am a subtle cinematographer.
I like to be deliberate and kind of dull at times. It makes people (or at least me) appreciate the picture more when the camera isn't all crazy and noticed.
I'm actually detesting the work of my classmates who throw in showy camera angles to wow others.

Who knew?
So far I'm a B+ student and that's actually fine with me for once in my life.

Anyway here's a list of my favorite movies of all time:

Everything is Illuminated

Earth Girls Are Easy

Marie Antoinette

Brick

Pride and Prejudice

The Libertine

A History of Violence

A Question Of Silence

Fifth Element

Today is my birthday, by the way.

2008-09-12T11:12:00.001-04:00

I'm offically twenty years old, that's two decades boys and girls.

Just thought you guys might like to know.
: )

Yahoo is smoking CRACK: A critic of Miami Guys

2008-09-12T10:45:00.003-04:00

Check this out:

"NEW YORK (Reuters) - If you live in Miami, consider yourself among the most attractive people in the United States.
The Sunshine State's metropolis has the most beautiful people, according to an online survey of "America's Favorite Cities" by Travel + Leisure magazine, while Philadelphia came in last at No. 25.
"I'm not surprised at all, but I'm not in that group" joked Bill Talbert, president of the Greater Miami Convention and Visitors Bureau, about the city's attractive people rating.
"When you're here, you kind of take it for granted. Then you travel, and when you come back you say, 'Oh my, look what we have here,"' he added.
Although Philadelphia placed last for the second consecutive year, a tourism official said the city was happy to be in the top 25.
The online survey of 125,000 people ranked 25 U.S. cities in 45 categories ranging from most affordable to friendliest people.
Las Vegas and New Orleans took the top spots as best city for a wild weekend, and Washington, D.C., was voted tops for historical sites/monuments. But Los Angeles residents may have a problem with being ranked last in the friendliest people and most intelligent people categories.
If you want friendly, you can't do any better than Charleston, South Carolina, and if you're looking for the smartest locals, head to Seattle, Washington, according to the survey.
New York received the most No.1 ratings, getting top marks for shopping, arts, diverse residents and skyline. But the Big Apple limped in last for peace and quiet and affordability.
The poll showed San Antonio, Texas, takes the smallest bite out of your budget and is the most affordable city, while peace and quiet is easiest found in Santa Fe, New Mexico, which also came in last in all nightlife categories.
Portland, Oregon, Minneapolis/St. Paul and Austin, Texas, took the gold, silver and bronze in the cleanest city competition, while New Orleans had the most work to do in keeping things tidy.
"We were really excited to see how some of the smaller cities took center stage," said Travel + Leisure editor Stirling Kelso.
"Portland again did very well, ranking high in environmental awareness, outdoor life and public transportation."
Kelso said the accessibility of a city, largely through its good public transportation services, will often result in higher survey rankings.
"New York and Washington are very accessible and did well. We were surprised with Los Angeles' low rankings, but perhaps that's because it's not a really accessible city," she added.
Honolulu topped the field in best for a romantic escape and best weather. Theme-park rich Orlando in Florida was voted best for a family vacation while Las Vegas came in last in the category."

Now here is the reality of that:

I don't know, nor can I confirm or deny the allogations for the citites other than Miami. What i can deny is this allogation that Miami has the most attractive people in it.

Miami has the most attractive GIRLS. Miami is like a giant candy store if you like GIRLS!

Anyone who lives there know that GUYS in Miami, ARE NOT hot at all. They are short, unappealing and above all Mama's boys.

Sure, on the surface they have manners and know how to shower a woman they want in affection, but anything beyond a good night out and a few get togethers here and there they are every girl's nightmare. Not only are they not interested in commitment (why would you when there are so many flavors of hot girl all around you) but they are also for the most part, not interested in compromising. Machismo is something nearly immpossible to overcome, espcially when your guy sees you as a possestion. I'm not even going to go into how most cuban men grow an exubarent amount of chest hair. Oh and, most of them kind of look like a new jersey guido with their spiked hair, sunglasses and collared shirts.

Also; seeing as most people in Miami are cuban, most of these guys are hardcore republicans. You know those groups on facebook like "100,000 strong against Hillary"?

Yeah, those are the kinds of groups Miami guys join.

They rarely ever seperate their opnions from those of their famlies and Cubans haven't supported democratic values since the Bay of Pigs or Pedro Pan.

So the next time you think of Miami as being this hot, fun, city. Remember that going there and being under 21 is like being a second class citizen, and that the guys see clubbing like a trip to 21 flavors. he'll never look as good as he does in club lighting. Don't fool yourself into thinking a single one of the would like to bring you home to mama.

The only girl she wants to see him with has a butt the size of jupiter and an accent that makes her say, "Papi, will you be my supermeng?"

But don't take my word for it, go visit.

Go looking for Mr. Right, or even try to find an appealing Mr. Right Now. Tell me how it goes.

birthday wishes, ugh I'm not a teenager anymore!

2008-09-10T16:01:00.002-04:00

Staying positive is a difficult task.

Its weird that I'm thinking about things like this recently. This is a time when I should be very happy and positive. My birthday is like 2 days away. I'm trying not to get too excited like I did last year because the last thing I want is to be disspointed again.

Things I want for my birthday:

a clean house

a clean room

a clean car

the internet set up in my house

a guy to flirt with me and make me feel pretty on my birthday

time to write an amazing script

art to hang in my room and living room

a party

cake

a little piece of fufillment

Apologies

2008-09-08T10:42:00.002-04:00

I hereby apologize for being an irresponsible blogger and not posting anything new since august 21st. I feel awful about it.

Film school and recent events have kept me very busy lately. Its kind of hard to let the creative juices loose when I have to save them up every week to both write a script and make a movie every weekend.

Have you ever felt compelled to go up to someone you've never met and learn their life story?

I saw one of the most beautiful women I have ever seen yesterday. Her name was Brigit, she was a FAMU french major. She wore an Afro, pretty white earings, character shoes and a pretty red plaid dress.
I wrote a script about her, and what she told me the most dramatic event of her week was. I don't feel that anything I ever write about this woman will ever be enough.

She made me feel like clouds and pond scum at the same time.

Thankfully, I met her at the Film school acing auditions. So if I ever need to find her for something I want to shoot, I'll know where to look for her.

Puerto Rican Corpse Kept Upright and Standing for 3 Day Wake!

2008-08-21T19:24:00.004-04:00

This is Creepy:

" SAN JUAN, Puerto Rico (AP) - A Puerto Rican man has been granted his wish to remain standing—even in death. A funeral home used a special embalming treatment to keep the corpse of 24-year-old Angel Pantoja Medina standing upright for his three-day wake.

Dressed in a Yankees baseball cap and sunglasses, Pantoja was mourned by relatives while propped upright in his mother's living room.

His brother Carlos told the El Nuevo Dia newspaper the victim had long said he wanted to be upright for his own wake: "He wanted to be happy, standing."

The owner of the Marin Funeral Home, Damaris Marin, told The Associated Press the mother asked him to fulfill her dead son's last wish.

Pantoja was found dead Friday underneath a bridge in San Juan and buried Monday. Police are investigating."

Learning to Love You More

2008-08-09T15:01:00.002-04:00

Its a book written by two artists (not pictured) who have come up with a solution to artistic frustration. As they explain in their introduction: "sometimes its easier to have someone tell you what to do."

In the book there are a number of assignments listed, things like:

56. Make a portrait of your friend's desires.

55. Photograph a significant outfit.

54. Draw the news.

53. Give advice to yourself in the past.

52. Write the phone call you wish you could have.

I have been doing these for the last couple of days and think they're fantastic. The book is amazing. Its so sad and beautiful and funny. I really recommend checking it out.

The best thing about it though is that you can send in you assigments and they are archived on the website. You can even win $500 dollars in monthly grants when they have them available.

Check it out and feel free to share your assignments with me; I'll be doing the same on this blog when I can.

Here's the site:

http://www.learningtoloveyoumore.com/index.php

Enjoy!

Policy makers shouldn't move in mysterious ways....

2008-08-08T12:41:00.002-04:00

Why is it so hard to access information about politicians?

At work today I was trying to look up some politicians who would be pro comprehensive sex education, and you wouldn’t believe how hard I had to look to find what I was looking for. I do know of this site:

http://www.issue2008.com/

This is actually really handy to know. They give you quotes, and easy to read lists of exactly what each candidate does and does not support.

But apart from politicians running for president, how am I, a young voter suppose to know how and what lawmakers are doing?

If you know of something where I can find contact information for lawmakers that would be anti-abstinence only education please let me know via a comment.

New York, I love you

2008-08-07T14:43:00.004-04:00

I have found the place where I belong and must now say goodbye to it... for now...

I am leaving Brooklyn in two days to go back home to Miami for a week. Then on the 16^th I’m heading back up to Tally to move into my house.

I am beyond sad to be leaving Brooklyn, Bushwick has exceeded my expectations. I have met so many awesome people and gone so many awesome places. I can’t wait to move back here when I graduate from school.

This has been the best summer yet. I will never forget it.

I am ready to get down working, and developing my skills as a filmmaker this year. But first, a nice day-long rest, in the bed I grew up in, and a week of the beach and my mother’s cooking.

Obama: hope and pity

2008-08-06T11:11:00.001-04:00

I have found a new reason to respect Barak Obama. For a while he had me, lost there. I suddenly heard horrid things about this man that I had stood fully behind over this past summer. I heard about his tragic second half fiasco on his campaign trip around the world, his sudden announcement of his lack of support for gay rights (which dropped his LGBT score down to 80 percent). Suddenly, hope and shiny light seemed exactly as Hilary had painted it, trite and unrealistic.

But as the election drags on I wonder how much of my opinion of Obama is really accurate, how accurately is the news deciding to cover the man that is Obama rather than the figure of modernity. Really though, who I am I to decide who would be a good president?

Besides AP Government in high school, I have little qualifications. All I can rely on are my gut feelings and the check list of issues to which each candidate holds.

(Which can be found here: http://www.issue2008.com/campaign/candidates/barack-obama-candidates )

What I do know is that McCain reminds me of a really sadistic twisted version of Bender from the Breakfast Club. Like what Bender would turn out to be if Claire rejected him like everyone else in his life.

I wish John Edwards had made it, I know he’s like not black and doesn’t have a vagina or anything, but I think he would have been the best choice out of all of them.

Really though, I feel sorry for whoever gets elected president. It’s a job that I would never want to have, a kind of damned if you do, damned if you don’t kind of life. There is so much responsibility and so much deception in political life, particularly for the president.

Here’s hoping Obama wins the presidency and gets to keep his soul in the end.

Horoscopes Are Bullshit, what's a virgo to do?

2008-08-06T10:18:00.003-04:00

“Slow burning influences emphasize romance today. You’ll be radiating that certain something, which is likely to get you noticed, but it could be a few days yet before anything definite develops. Don’t push for results: be patient; half the fun is the thrill of the chase!”

“There is a way to celebrate your victory without coming across as egotistical. You will be the recipient of important information today if you are willing to listen. Someone may be trying to help you succeed. You should have no trouble convincing others today.”

“There is a tendency to be too strict with yourself as your ambition seems intensified just now. There is a yearning for the stimulation of new ideas. Communication, education and travel may be a part of this new and worthy ambition. For now, it would be wise to build your financial reserves. A new goal or new friends will take most of your attention this afternoon; the old is suspect; the new seems to hold all the answers. Someone may push you for a little input into your personal thoughts, but it may seem too much like gossip. You usually decline from getting too personal--preferring to keep sensitive matters at a distance. You have a clear vision into your own sense of values; how you appreciate and love. Enjoy your loved one/s this evening.”

How am I supposed to tailor my actions today for the best if all my horoscopes tell me to do different things?!

What the heck?

How would you solve this problem?

2008-08-05T14:59:00.000-04:00

The dilemma:

How fair is it that the cheap food is the worst for you? In an effort to try to curb my food budget down to what I was spending per meal in Tallahassee I have been sacrificing my nutrition.

My internship provides me with a daily food stipend, about 25 dollars a day. If I were in Tallahassee I’d be pocketing more than half that money. Unfortunately, I have been living in New York City. Even in Brooklyn the cost of living is gastronomical. I’ve had a hard time keeping my budget at 25 dollars a day much less trying to pocket that money and even then work isn’t paying for me to eat on the weekend.

How do people survive here unless they make 100+ dollars a day? How do they save? How do they feed their children?

Today I have spent exactly $3.75. All I have bought today was a muffin, a Snapple and an egg drop soup. I’ve probably consumed over 1,200 calories and its not even dinner time yet. Not to mention the fact that I feel like crap because all of that food is absolutely horrible for me.

The twist to the dilemma:

How can we propose to fix this problem? There is no doubt with the rising cost of insurance, the rising rates of health problems and declining amount of federal funding for health care that what are putting into our bodies is killing us.

So is this an issue of federal aid or local aid? Or is this a social issue, a job for social programs, like non-for-profits or humanitarian aid programs.

Though I’m a libertarian I’m unsure of where I should stand on this issue. The republican in me is pulling for dealing with this as a social problem.

The republican solution to me would be to start an organization that would provide subsidized and/or free nutritional meals for those in need. This would mean finding people to work in development and find donors and grants to feed people. Perhaps starting with just lunch or breakfast or dinner, and starting with one neighborhood, like the Bronx in NY or Liberty City in FL. Then expanding as our funding grows and communal connections branch out. However, this plan has many holes in it and is not an immediate solution. Its also completely dependant on whether money will be donated.

The democrat in me would say this is something the government should be helping to eradicate. Maybe this could be achieved with a bill requiring money from companies that make unhealthy snack foods, such as chips, Chinese food or glazed honey buns to funnel a certain amount of profits into the vegetable market or some other recipient that would be able to provide a low budget healthy food service with the right incentives. Then to be sure the chosen recipient of these funds would use the money for the purpose it was intended for, another bill would have to be passed. This plan also has many contingents and would not be immediate.

How would you solve this problem? Like a republican, a democrat or neither? Comment your solutions!

Critical Thinking and Love

2008-08-05T10:39:00.002-04:00

What do you do when you realize you’re not cut out to complete your goal? Do you withdraw and take with you the pride that you had the wisdom to know your limitations, or do you continue and damage yourself for the sake of finishing what you start?

I am not cut out to work in an office.

I do not have the subtle tact to be sensitive to the pitfalls of others. I do not have the brain capacity to sit down for 8 hours a day and be completely productive. I do not have the capacity to read through lines and lines of paper and pick out the faults after about 10 minutes of doing so. I do not have the capacity to come home at the end of the day, sunlight wasted, dead on my feet… and retire myself in the aim to give my energy to a new day of the same boring shit. I do not have the capacity to receive criticism through smiling teeth, every time I do my skin crawls and I begin to think very violent thoughts. Nothing bothers me more than deception and insincerity. I’ve learned that an office, no matter how fantastic its fruits, still holds onto the same universal rules.

I feel bad saying it, because I really do love Scenarios. I love the majority of the people in it too. They changed my life these people. They put me on a path of success of focus that I would have never had, if they had not come into my life. Perhaps this is why I cling to them. Perhaps what I’m really afraid of is failing with people that I know won’t stand behind me at the end of the day.

As always, I expect love in all the wrong places. I wish that deep down I can accept the fact that I can’t love every aspect of my life. I think that’s why I like artsy shit so much, because in making my life different and unique I’m making my surroundings more lovable. An office however, is not lovable. Schoolwork, no matter how fascinating, at the end of the day, is not lovable. Paying the bills at the end of the day, cannot be achieved by love.

The Beatles were wrong; love is not all you need.

Love is just something you want. Something that everyone, your relations, your friends, the media, they all dangle in front of your face like a delicious steak. You walk and run and jump through fiery hoops in order to get a taste of it, but in the end very few people will want to actually give it to you. Very few people actually have it to give.

Love is a delicacy reserved for invisible elite.

Its not for those scarred by sharp tongues and expectations.

Bodega: diabetes nightmare!

2008-08-04T15:21:00.003-04:00

Entertaining and has a good message! Dallas Penn is a very poignant and intelligent man. Chack out his blog after you watch this video.

http://www.dallaspenn.com/weblog/

The poor should be provided with good, cheap, healthy food. Rather than be forced to consume iced glazed honey buns at 500 calories a pop, which is just $1.00!

Rising, Dreaming, Salivating; An Explanation

2008-07-30T12:22:00.003-04:00

Space cadet doesn’t begin to describe the level of perverse imagination that distracts me from the events that happen here on planet earth. In the 60’s people said they took hallucinogens and other drugs to help them think creatively. Well, I think deeply enough without them, and see brightly floating colors come off the sidewalk well enough. In fact, my experience with hallucinogens has been quite negative, like my brain gets over loaded. Its hard for me to produce good work while the Frankenstein veins I’m looking at on my arm are clashing artistically with the flying koi fish on the ceiling. I have a hard enough time filtering my imagination without tripping, so when I do trip it’s like my brain functions freeze and I can’t restart no matter how many times I try control-alt-delete… It’s like god damn it- reboot. Reboot. Reboot.

It’s not hard to inspire my imagination and trigger a moment of internal escapism.

I get inspired by smelling the pheromones on cute boys, or something as simple as reading the ingredients off an ice cream stick. It’s kind of irritating sometimes, to fall back down to reality, mid sentence- mid horse drawn cloud-sicle ride.

Nobody really understands that it’s hard for me to do normal things without putting some sort of personal stamp on what I’m doing (taxes for me were a fiasco this year). I sympathize with the autistic because sometimes this damn imagination really makes me feel like I am too. When I watch movies though, or plan one out and salivate over the visuals, molding both the shot and art direction to my internal fantastical vision; it’s like sex.

(Okay, not as good as really great sex, but much better than the sex I usually get out of the boys I choose.)

Sometimes though, I worry my vision is too child-like, dark or simplistic or rather not in the vein of what my audience… or even what this world is looking for. Sometimes I think that I’m not what this world is looking for.

It’s rather burdensome to meet new people. When I was younger I threw myself at each new person I met, I greeted them as if I were shouting from the Himalayas, naked with only argyle socks on, “this is me? Ha ha ha, do you like it?” After only a few positive responses to this forward attitude towards my eccentricities, I learned that I have to come to the table of new friendship as neutral entity. Or at least a little before I let the loony out of the bin. So now, I’m cautious like a quiet pale meadow vole on a dew morning greeting the rising sun; a turquoise wolf in vole’s clothing if you will. I’ve found people are much more accepting of craziness if it’s a mystery they get to figure out themselves. But still I fear rejection, the time between vole and Himalayan nudist grows more expansive as I grow older. Sometime I don’t allow myself to get naked at all.

Speaking of naked, this getting fatter thing is not cool, God. Isn’t self esteem hard enough to achieve without rolls and a tummy to get in the way? I guess bigger boobs are good about it, though not when it comes to function outside the world of desire.

I do love the world of desire however. It’s a place where I try to spend as much time as possible. There is no better inspiration for my imagination than spending intimate time with pheromones that excites me. Smelling an attractive boy is my equivalent of tripping. Every person smells like a different movie scene to me. The last person I had sex with (I don’t kiss and tell) smelled like fresh tree wood, dreadlocks and sleeping in on a rainy Sunday morning. When I smell him, I picture a slow dance in a tropical setting at night with fire flies. If I were actually going to film it I’d probably throw some willow trees in there too.

On another tangent; I love Brooklyn. Its perfect for my crazy imagination, just walking around my apartment in Bushwick and looking at the crazy buildings and ultra fresh looking graffiti is enough to make me rise above the atmosphere. It’s like what the eats village used to be back in the days when people needs to take drugs to be creative. This is the place where I am meant to be right now. If only I could afford it. I am so moving here for real post graduation.

Brain differences between sexes; Differences in Attraction

2008-07-30T11:10:00.002-04:00

http://www.nytimes.com/2007/04/10/health/10gene.html?scp=2&sq=sexuality%20&st=cse

"Presumably the masculinization of the brain shapes some neural circuit that makes women desirable. If so, this circuitry is wired differently in gay men. In experiments in which subjects are shown photographs of desirable men or women, straight men are aroused by women, gay men by men.

Such experiments do not show the same clear divide with women. Whether women describe themselves as straight or lesbian, “Their sexual arousal seems to be relatively indiscriminate — they get aroused by both male and female images,” Dr. Bailey said. “I’m not even sure females have a sexual orientation. But they have sexual preferences. Women are very picky, and most choose to have sex with men.”

Dr. Bailey believes that the systems for sexual orientation and arousal make men go out and find people to have sex with, whereas women are more focused on accepting or rejecting those who seek sex with them."

"The best evidence for a long-term attachment process in mammals comes from studies of voles, a small mouselike rodent. A hormone called vasopressin, which is active in the brain, leads some voles to stay pair-bonded for life. People possess the same hormone, suggesting a similar mechanism could be at work in humans, though this has yet to be proved."

Are you Black? Want to go to Africa to learn about your roots?

2008-07-30T10:53:00.003-04:00

http://www.dzertclub.com/index.html

Each year the d'Zert Club and African Genesis Institute sponsor a FREE trip to Egypt, North Africa for 1000 students between the age of 7 and 14 and 500 adult group leaders.

Group trips can be a great thing if they're for you. While the trip itself is not necessarily free you can try to get a scholarship, or financial aid!

call 888-257-5991 or email them at dzertclub@aol.com

Intersectionality: Race, Gender, Class, Culture

2008-07-29T12:33:00.001-04:00

In order to keep our sanity, it is necessary to be organized. We organize our shoes, our silverware, our baubles and posts-it’s… We organize so many things. Is it not only natural that this need to have a firm knowledge of what and where things are, translates its self from the inanimate to the organic. We label ourselves in so many ways, like the many contents of a supermarket grocery store shelf; who we are seems to be clearly labeled, in big bold letters. For many people this system of identification works. The peanut butter knows that its peanut butter and the jelly knows where to find the other jars of jelly. However, when someone’s not exactly a jar of peanut butter and not as dark and gooey as a jar of jelly, the system fails them. They try to pass off as other things; jars of garlic, olives, and chili peppers. They jump up and down the shelves, simultaneously being rejected for their color, their flavor, and their consistency. There are very few shoppers that would take a chance on a jar of food they seemed different from those around it, as if someone had picked it up, found something wrong with it and put it back in the wrong section, an indication to other shoppers of its differentially. Or perhaps a shopper comes across this misplaced jar while looking for a jar of habanera peppers. They can clearly tell that this jar is not what they came looking for. The jar looks more like stuffed peppers that habanera peppers. The label, though scuffed and illegible, still conveys that this is a jar of something wonderful and spicy. The shopper however, knows that his need for a hot sandwich for lunch can be satisfied by a few habanera peppers. The mystery jar carries too much disorganization, too much instability. So the jar sits, wondering what to call itself, where to put itself and what the heck it should be doing as the days pass and the dreaded date on top of its lid draws closer and closer.

So many lives pass in this way, waiting in internal uncertainty. Being passed off as the closest jar to which they resemble, ignoring the way they were raised, but more importantly they ignore the deep and passionate connection to the roots which firmly grew them. Impertinently, they allow themselves to be pushed into the back of the shelf, and to rot away.

When people look at me, they think that I’m white. When they hear me speak to them in Spanish, they think I’m Cuban. When they try to have a complicated conversation with me in Spanish, they think I’m a Cuban girl who became white. In a world where unlabeled jars are an unwelcome nuisance, race is just another synonym for identity. Race indicates what is it acceptable for you to say, who it is acceptable for you to become close to and how it is acceptable for others to treat you. Really, I don’t know what I am and it’s a very unnerving sort of feeling. I know so little about Mexico, or what its like to be a Mexican. I know as much about Mexico as I know about the Tohono O'odham (another name for the Papago Indians) or about Poland, or Germany or any of the other people which I can claim lineage to. I was born in America, and raised how any other 3-7^th generation American was raised. The idea that where your great grandparent was born so strongly dictates who you are is preposterous to me. To say that one race has one personality, one identity, is a fallacy that I seek to disembowel for the method of discrimination which it is.

That being said, I would like to point out that having a connection with you ancestry is not the same as using race as your identity. One should embrace whatever passion is granted to them in this life. As a Jewish person who has gone to Israel and touched the Kotel (the western wall), fabled to be the holiest place on earth, I can understand this connection. There is no substitute to touching the embodiment of god, those who have walked before you, whose blood you carry inside you; to feel whole and completely in a way which is so intensely spiritual. It is the same way for my mother when she goes out to Arizona, to the dusty shack in the middle of the desert where she can see the red rocks and hear the voices of our female ancestors. While I don’t think I would be same person without these connections, I do not allow these things to directly define me. What kind of grandchild would I be to my ancestors should I let their identities to overtake my own? What kind of ancestor shall I be to my descendants should I not carry any distinction of my own? Though at times I still feel like a misplaced jar, when I remember the feel of the nooks on the Kotel, and my mother’s stories of vibrations from the red rocks, I remember what I was intended to taste like again.

Wisdom from The Skin Horse.

2008-07-26T20:47:00.002-04:00

Who knew The Velveteen rabbit could be so deep.

"Real isn't how you are made," said the Skin Horse. "It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real."

"Does it hurt?" asked the Rabbit.

"Sometimes," said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. "When you are Real you don't mind being hurt."

"Does it happen all at once, like being wound up," he asked, "or bit by bit?"

"It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse. "You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand."

Something great to check out in Brooklyn

2008-07-23T09:35:00.001-04:00

Its this weekly party called Dubai-Brooklyn.

http://www.dubaibrooklyn.com/

This is like on of those parties you see in the movies, there are crazy costumes, neon paint, ravers, belly dancers, gypsies. The last time I went there I even saw some guy dressed up like cobra con! The music is dance, but at the same time ethereal and raw. This is the next thing they have going on:

The next event:

"Mirage vs. Illusion

10pm through 10am
This Saturday, July 26th at Dubai:Brooklyn.

This Saturday you are invited to experience twelve hours of intoxicating dance flavor spread across 14,000 sqft of a former knit factory hidden deep within Brooklyn. This event features a dozen dj's and performers lighting the night from 10pm through 10am. Explore intimate spaces, interactive art, spontaneous performance, & perfected sound-systems raising the volume all night long.

Featuring:

In the Four to the Floor room:
Nick Hook + Michna + Junior Sanchez
Alex from Tokyo + Neil Aline + Carlos Detres

In the Sexy + Sweaty room:
Team Facelift (LIVE) + DJ Lloydski + Sujhino + DJ Moni
DJ Equal + Retrokids (LIVE)

Plus acts of fire and feats of magic, interactive art and performance surprises...

Dubai:Brooklyn
@ 341 Scholes St. : Bushwick, Brooklyn
Take the L train to Montrose "

If ever you've wanted to experience something out of worldly, this would be the place to do it.

a dirty random poem

2008-07-23T09:30:00.000-04:00

All i want to do is jump into bed with you.
Swim in a flesh filled satin sea
to roll beneath the sheets,
and know
you'll wash up beneath them with me.

5 things to be thankful for.

2008-07-21T16:38:00.000-04:00

5 things to be thankful for:

1. Despite every mistake I've ever made, the most important people are still here with me. Either in spirit or in person.

2. I am still healthy, despite the smoking and the drinking.

3. God made me talented and lovable.

4. Life is still an adventure.

5. I may not be a skinny bitch but I'm still hot.

Check Out the Blog of Larry Lyons

2008-07-15T16:12:00.000-04:00

This man has one of the best blogs I've ever read:

http://larrylyons2.blogspot.com/2005/03/rashawn-brazell_05.html

He runs a scholarship now for that boy, truly an inspiration to all advocates.

1. What's your zodiac sign? Virgo, earth. Too chill and organic for my own good.
2. Your best personality trait? I'm loyal, relentless, and always striving for self improvement.
3. What's your worst? There’s so much content in my head sometime I can be bad at filtering it.

4. What's your best physical trait? My eyes, my body mods, my boobs
5. What song reminds you of yourself? Vampire by Antsy Pants? Lol I don’t know, this question is inherently flawed anyway there is no positive way to answer it.

6. Name a place anywhere in the world you hope to visit. Japan (Tokyo), I’d like to go back to Jerusalem sometime soon, India, I’d like to go back to Ireland and do some drinking, I’d like to go to everywhere really (expect maybe South America).

7. When are you happiest? When I am around those who think I am irreplaceable… when my efforts directly improve a project in a way which highlights myself as an artist.

8. What makes you unhappy? When I embarrass myself, when I’m alone for too long, when I have to go for long periods of time without being touched,

9. What makes you angry? When people waste opportunity by those who need it. It makes me angry when people have no understanding for mistakes made by others.

10. What word best describes you right now? Unconquerable. : )
11. What color best describes your mood right now? Orange, White and Red.
12. What's your weakness? Red Velvet cake, Sushi, good looking boys, massages, my temper, how easily I trust beautiful/kind faced people.

Vampires, Romance and Mr. Right

2008-07-15T13:17:00.000-04:00

Every kid has chooses their own fantastical obsession to delve over as they sit in class and daydream or imagine about as they lay their heads down for the night. For some its princesses or others its zombies or aliens, but no matter the incarnation most of these fantasies soon dissolve within the brains of newly sex driven adolescents… in a way. I was reading a book the other day about vampires when I had a kind of epiphany about how my childhood fantasies about vampires has shaped the way I seek other for intimate relationships. It feels like I have always been accused of not giving the ‘nice’ guy a chance; this observation about my taste in the opposite sex has come from several sources. Male and female, both family and friend agree. As perverse as it sounds (and I mean it not in literal manner, perverts) I think I still have a vampire fantasy.

Case in point, when I realize that I’m attracted to someone nothing will happen unless he shows initiative or tries to socially over power me in a conversation. Nothing is drabber to me than someone who can’t have a decent argument, while flirting with me… or even worse if the argument goes too sour and he turns into an attractive version of John McCain (a hot ultra conservative guy is the biggest waste ever). If the guy I’m talking to agrees too much with me I see him as a pushover rather than my equal. Another requirement is that vampiric charm. I know it’s asking a lot for a guy to have a hot yet controlled argument with me then to find compliments in his opponent, but these are the things I look for in guys. Is really such an obtuse idea to desire someone who is both challenging and romantic? I find that the combination of those two traits (along with a pretty face and perhaps some dark hair) usually invoke a lot of chemistry. It’s enough to get me to bite, so to speak. Unfortunately, those I find these days with vampiric qualities such as I seek usually skimp on the romantic part. This is 2008 after all and not 1888. Relationships to not harbor love anymore only responsibility and limitations. But then I guess I just haven’t really found a vampire yet, because the fantasy, even vampire fantasy (modern day vampire literature seems to portray them with less and less weakness) anything but limiting.

Detachment, why I can't do it.

2008-07-15T09:58:00.000-04:00

There are people you will meet at a very young age in their life and be completely oblivious to the fact that they are at an age where they are suppose to be pining over the opposite sex. It seems of no consequence to them whether they are given that sort of attention, and when it is given to them they greet it with nonchalance and a throw away sort of grin. It is those people that attract what those who go looking for others desperately seek. The philosophy of, “it will only happen, if it doesn’t really matter,” reigns supreme in this modern age. It is at times like these when I feel it matters most that I wonder how many times my heart can be broken before it stops adoring others all together. For two years I waited to like someone. Not love someone, just to like them. Now that it has happened once again I find myself falling into the jaded uncomfortable couch I found myself sitting in after the last time I failed to have a fruitful relationship with someone. The cynic in me is crawling out a rehashing insecurities in me that I haven’t felt since I came of age. I find myself lost in a room where the lexicon of feminine insecure jealous emotions stir all around me and dare me to tell of others of my ridiculous immaturity. I do my best to try to remind myself how unworthy said person is, how inane and cruel. But it still hurts when I see him with another girl. It is absolutely silly that I see imperfection in myself in this situation, but such is the game. Such is what I get for having my sexual needs fulfilled and expecting to be able to treat them with detachment. I am a fool.

the Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints

2008-04-29T13:39:00.001-04:00

So I've been reading some on this thing thats been going on with this religious sect. in Texas. I went to check my mail yesterday on AOL and saw that their children had been taken away for the most part in order to establish whether they could bring up a custody battle against these people.

They keep bringing up these figures saying that,
"A total of 53 girls between the ages of 14 and 17 are in state custody after a raid 3 1/2 weeks ago at the Yearning For Zion Ranch in Eldorado. Of those girls, 31 either have children or are pregnant, said Child Protective Services spokesman Darrell Azar. He didn't specify how many are pregnant."

While I would love to jump on the news media bandwagon with this one and watch how yet another religion goes and ruins itself. I'm not really down with how this story is being covered in the media.

They keep talking about how this sect is forcing young girls to marry older men, yet none of these older men or younger girls are being shown. The only pictures we see are of older women and young children. Its not that I discredit the reports that this has been happening, I just think that the level of journalism is not on par for the source of the news media that is reporting on the story.

I also think that policy has failed again here. There is no regulation about supportive community living and being on welfare. There is also no policy in place that prevents minors from marrying men over 40.

What I'm wondering most is where the 14-17 year old boys are on this compound. Are they being kept away from the girls as to reduce competition? What are they being brainwashed to believe?

Things I Have Learned...

2008-04-29T12:57:00.000-04:00

1. Every person can and will become misguided (or have a misguided phase) at least once or twice in their lives, especially your close friends. During this period, you should not be dragged down to their level but should remain supportive for so long as until they grow out of it. They will not always admit that they were misguided but most of the time, they will get over it.

2. You will grow apart from some friends, and this is perfectly okay.

3. Some people will never like you.

4. You will always have something to complain about, the trick to being happy, is no matter at what moment, to find something to laugh about instead.

5. Living on you own is an important experience. It should be gotten out of the way as early as possible. Not only does it make parents and children more appreciative of one another, it jump starts a child's maturity level ten fold.

6. Maturity is more valuable than experience.

7. TV is usually not worth the time you spend watching it, in general however, films are!

8. Learn to be happy with your body when you're naked, even if you're overweight. While its important to be healthy, it more important to be confident and satisfied no matter how you look. (That's not to say you shouldn't work out to be healthy, or eat to the point where you aren't healthy. There is a healthy balance and you'd be surprised to find that it is closer than you may expect.)

9. Self maintenance is vital. Spa, massage, get you nails done often.

10. Don't jump into relationships. Wait for the right one to come along. You'll know him because of the wa he smells and how well he fits into the life you already have.

~Always in my head~

2008-04-14T22:30:00.000-04:00

I can't wait to get out of this freaking dorm. I will never recommend that any one lives like this. Not only is it not cool, it promotes poor mental health and the parking is just terrible. I fight with people all the fucking time here, they're all ditzy and in sororities. Totally opposite from me.

Still looking for roommates for my house, that's a pain in the butt as well....

AND

I still don't have a place to live in new york this summer. Despite my scouring of craigslist...

: /
Pass this on to anyone you know looking for a place in Tally.

Here's the ad:
http://www.facebook.com/marketplace/listing.php?classified_id=14258130991

: D

What I can't have...

2008-04-07T01:47:00.001-04:00

There are things that I don’t know about;
The invisible mechanics of fleshy clocks,
Entangled limbs, arms that reach out.
Hands holding, to keep their bindings.
Large and numerous fleshy pentagrams,
No hand remains unheld.
Well
except for those
Whose hands
are not reached for
Winding, twisting, hard nosed things…
That I can’t see, or do anything about.

There are things I feel like I’ll never get;
The steel tongued desires of skinless beings.
Striking others maliciously without regret.
Underneath the iron their flesh boils,
To fuel an anger,
Whose edges cut loose my veins,
from speaking distance…
Pained, hanging, flying, ominous things…
That it seems like I’ll never be able to forget.

A Series of Bad Events

2008-03-18T22:40:00.000-04:00

Since I was small, I have tried to justify the existence of emotional pain. I used to believe that for every bad event that happened there was a good event I was earning by suffering. I believe it worked both way, should too much good be happening in my life, it was only a matter of time before I used it all up and had to pay for it again. As much as I have learned over the years and as much as I have seen, I still cannot convince myself that this pessimistic view of the world is false. How else would I coax myself through suffering if the pain I felt was for nothing? Yet in my happiness I became pained at the thought that this feeling would not last and I was only accruing points to suffer. I don't want to believe it, but the eight year old in me won't let me forget it.
On the way back from home, as I was driving back to school on that tedious and annoying eight hour road trip. I asked God (in my head) to alleviate my mother's sufferings. She'd had a rough week the week I was home for spring break, and I remember thinking, "please god, let me suffer instead." As if perhaps I could take on all the bad she might experience for a while and let her just have the good for a while. I think perhaps its coming to me now.
Since I've returned from school I have had little happen but disappointment and failure. My to do list is ten miles long and I have so little drive to move forward. I'm so racked with depression that I'm useless to myself. I want to crawl in a ball and cry myself to sleep until summer comes around and I can go home again... But I know that I can't.
On top of all this my teacher thinks I plagiarized (which I did not) and wants me to rewrite a paper I wrote in January and remember little about.
Ultra fest is ten days a way and rather than being excited all I can think about is my mom somehow finding out... I'm not afriad of getting in trouble, I'm just afriad of letting her down and making her more sad. But I need to roll. I need to. I need to feel happy, if only for a few hours.
I wish life didn't suck for me as much as it does now. But most of all I hope my twisted idea about karma is true and God is benevolent after all.

Things to be excited about!

2008-03-10T11:42:00.000-05:00

Rally At the Raleigh:

According to one of my good friends, Lix, this is going to be a, "party poolside with Vanessa Minnillo, Brody Jenner and Miranda Kerr! A non-stop day of celebrity hosted fun including diving for mini dogs, dodge ball, PINK twister and the PINK photo booth!"

Not that I know who any of the models are, or have any interest in celebrity watching but it sounds fun and I have a cover up from pink I've been looking for an excuse to wear.

Birthright Israel:

If you're Jewish like I am, you probably know all about this, but for God's not-chosen people I'll elaborate. You'll carry around a new reason to wish you weren't born to Jesus freaks.

Basically I get to to go to Israel for free. You pay a 250 dollar security deposit to make sure that in case you get in trouble or something, they have some money to back you. Its also collateral to make sure that if they go through the trouble of booking this flight and trip to Israel for you, you aren't going to back out on them.

Here's a sample Itinerary:

DAY 1 / Depart for Israel
- Meet at gateway airport in North America
(New York City, Los Angeles, Toronto, Chicago, or Miami)
- Depart for Israel and spend the night above the clouds

DAY 2 / Along the Mediterranean Coast
- Shalom & welcome to Tel Aviv's Ben Gurion Airport
- Meet Israeli staff and begin travel northwards along coast
- Program introductions at Caesarea's ancient
amphitheater on the Mediterranean
- Arrive to the Galilee & check-in to accommodations
- Group dinner at the hotel
- Evening: Relaxation time and ice breakers at hotel
- Overnight: Kibbutz Guest House Hotel in the Galilee

DAY 3 / History atop the Galilee
- Breakfast at hotel
- Explore the mystical ancient city of Tzfat
- Experience traditional lunch in the Druze Village of Pekiin
- Ziplining from the Manara Cliffs in the Upper Galilee
- Relaxed rafting & tubing on the upper Jordan River
- Dinner along the shores of the Sea of Galilee in Tiberias
- Evening: Cruise on the Sea of Galilee with Israeli dancing
- Overnight: Kibbutz Guest House Hotel in the Galilee

DAY 4 / Journeys on the Golan Heights
- Breakfast at hotel
- Travel eastwards and ascend the Golan Heights
- View of the region from the heights of Mt. Ben Tal
- Break for group lunch en route
- Hike down the lush Jilaboun Canyon on the Golan
- Evening: Tasting & tour at the Golan Heights Winery
- Return to hotel for dinner as a group
- Overnight: Kibbutz Guest House Hotel in the Galilee

DAY 5 / Along the Jordan Valley
- Breakfast at hotel
- Visit the Pioneer's Cemetery on the Sea of Galilee shores
- Swim under waterfalls in the natural pools of Sachne Park
- Break for group lunch en route
- Travel southwards and ascend to Jerusalem
- Evening of culture in Jerusalem
- Dinner & night out on the town in Jerusalem
- Overnight: Jerusalem Hotel

DAY 6 / Exploring Ancient Jerusalem
- Breakfast at hotel
- Haas Promenade - Panoramic intro to Jerusalem
- Ascend the outer Rampart Walls of the Old City
- Walk through King Hezekiah's water tunnel in David's City
- Tour of the Old City's legendary Jewish Quarter
- Group lunch in the Old City of Jerusalem
- Time for reflection at the Kotel (the Western Wall)
- Visit to the Davidson Center archeological park
- Explore Mahane Yehuda marketplace at Jerusalem
prepares for Shabbat
- Return to hotel to prepare for Shabbat experience in Jerusalem
- Enjoy an inclusive Shabbat program & festive Friday night meal
- Overnight: Jerusalem Hotel

DAY 7 / Shabbat in Jerusalem
- Breakfast at hotel
- Optional visit to local synagogues in Jerusalem
- Shabbat lunch at the hotel
- Walking tour of Jerusalem neighborhoods
- Relaxed afternoon back at the hotel
- Seminar: Current trends in Israeli Politics & Peace
- Havdallah / Begin "Part 2" of Israel Outdoors experience
- Night walk and bonfire cookout along the "Burma Road"
trail in the Jerusalem foothills
- Overnight: Jerusalem Hotel

DAY 8 / Remembrance & Redemption
- Breakfast at hotel
- Visit to Yad Vashem's Holocaust Memorial
- Tour of Har Herzl National Memorial
- Group lunch in Jerusalem
- Descend from Jerusalem into the Judean Desert
- Check-in & dinner at hotel along the Dead Sea
- Mifgash discussion with Israeli peers
- Relaxed evening in the desert
- Overnight: Dead Sea Hotel

DAY 9 / Adventures in the Judean Desert
- Breakfast at hotel
- Sunrise ascent to Masada via the Snake Path
- Nature walk to the desert waterfalls at Ein Gedi Reserve
- Relaxation & floating along the beaches of the Dead Sea
- Lunch at the Dead Sea
- Travel westwards to the Negev Desert
- Visit to the desert outpost at Sde Boker
- Camel tour & traditional Bedouin hafla dinner feast
- Overnight: Under the stars in a Bedouin tent

DAY 10 / The Judean Plains
- Breakfast at the Bedouin Tent
- Hike to the desert oasis at Ein Avdat Canyon
- Crawl through the archeological caves of Hirbet Midras
- Tree planing in the forests of Beit Shemesh
- Head for Tel Aviv, Israel's cultural & financial capital
- Closing dinner along the coast in Tel Aviv
- Free night out on town in Tel Aviv along the coast

DAY 11 / The Pulse of Israel in Tel Aviv
- Lunch along Tel Aviv's trendy Shenkin Street
- Visit to Israel's Independence Hall and Rabin Square
- Explore Nahalat Binyamin craft market and street festival
- Walking tour of historic Jaffa on the Mediterranean shores
- Relaxation time along the beaches of Tel Aviv
- Return to airport for late night flight

DAY 12 / Return to North America
- Arrive back at North American gateway airport
(New York City, Los Angeles, Toronto, Chicago, or Miami)

Jealous already aren't you?

Things I've learned from movies...

2008-03-07T02:46:00.000-05:00

Things We Learned at the Movies

1. If you try hard enough, you can outrun an explosion.

2. If your town is threatened by an imminent natural disaster or killer beast, the mayor's first concern will be the tourist trade or his forthcoming art exhibition.

3. Natural disasters only occur after the local mayor scoffs at the possibility.

4. If an expert makes a prediction and is disbelieved, then it will come to pass exactly as he predicted. If he makes a prediction and is believed, it won't happen.

5. Women staying in a haunted house should investigate any strange noises while wearing their most revealing underwear.

6. Women's skin and hair can't be damaged by natural disasters, though their clothing can be shredded -- except for the bits required for minimal decency, which are made from completely indestructible fabric.

7. If a man and a woman are exposed to the same conditions and the same environment, the man will need to wear more clothing than the woman.

8. If a man and a woman meet under circumstances under which any two normal people would instantly hate each other, they will marry before the picture is over.

9. Deadly reptiles will always attack a woman first, even if she's in the presence of thirty men.

10. Women are immortal unless they take off their shirts or they're ugly.

11. If a woman takes a bath, bubbles will cover the naughty bits. If she takes a shower and reveals her naughty bits, she will die.

12. If a blonde and a brunette are in equal peril, the brunette will die.

13. White characters have the best survival rate.

14. High class strippers with a heart of gold can will, if the plot demands it, turn out to have specialized technical skills and abilities.

15. Most human action is initiated by shy loners.

16. All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off.

17. It's easy to pull the pin on a grenade with your teeth.

18. An explosive device capable of leveling a large office building will fit inside a toolbox or small backpack.

19. Potentially fatal attacks are always preceded by a false alarm a few seconds earlier.

20. Any lock can be picked by a credit card or a paper clip in seconds -- unless it's the door to a burning building with a child trapped inside.

21. Cars that crash will almost always burst into flames.

22. A million dollars in cash or cocaine will invariably take up exactly the amount of space available in your briefcase.

23. The only people who ride city busses are "victims."

24. The universal medical procedure is defibrilation. Any time an EMT appears in a scene he/she will defibrilate someone before going back home. ER doctors defibrilate all patients, regardless of complaint.

25. If defibrillation doesn't work, the best way to revive someone whose heart has stopped is to scream "You can't do this to me! I love you, goddammit!" at them.

26. There are only a few real medical problems. Cancer means "I am being taken out of the plot soon and must tie up my affairs." Brain injuries and tumors mean the plot is going to hinge on amnesia. Bad skin problems signify the same character constellation that Elizabethans associated with bastardy.

27. A cup of black coffee/splash of cold water in face is enough to render the most inebriated person stone cold sober.

28. Creepy music coming from a graveyard should always be closely investigated.

29. All minorities possess mystical knowledge. If they wind up in a fight where their choice of method is either Western technology or somekinda mystical tribal thing, the fight cannot end until the former has failed them and the latter has been invoked.

30. The Chief of Police is always black.

31. If an investigation proves dfficult, a Chief of Police will either suspend his star detective or give him 48 hours to finish the job. A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.

32. Police departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite.

33. During all police investigations it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once.

34. Action heroes never face charges for manslaughter or criminal damage despite laying entire cities to waste.

35. If you need to reload your gun, you will always have more ammunition -- even if you haven't been carrying any before now.

36. The more people there are firing at you, the less likely they are to hit you.

37. You can only threaten someone with a gun if you are within arm's reach of them.

38. If a man with a machine gun and a man with a pistol have a gunfight, the man with the pistol will win.

39. One man shooting at twenty men has a better chance of killing them all than twenty men firing at one.

40. The world's most accurate, easy-to-use weapon is the .38 cal revolver with a 3" barrel.

41. Guns are like disposable razors. If you run out of bullets, just throw the gun away. You can always find a new one lying around the next time you need one.

42. Give a man one gun and he's Superman. Give him two, and he's God.

43. No one ever aims at the legs of a monster that's chasing them. They just keep running away, pausing every now and then to pump bullets into its torso, until it overtakes and kills them.

44. No matter how dead you think you've killed a bad guy, he can still get up at least three more times.

45. Cats are spring-loaded, and are most commonly found inside closets or cabinets which are equipped with doors that can't be operated by cats.

46. The strongest force governing human survival is the possession of a name.

47. It is possible to use a helicopter to sneak up on someone.

48. A monster can always sneak up on you, no matter how big or clumsy it is.

49. It's easy to walk through an unfamiliar forest on a moonless night.

50. A leap from a hotel roof is completely safe as long as you can land in the pool.

51. Most laptop computers are powerful enough to handle realtime videophone contact, and can override the communication systems of any invading alien civilization.

52. Any self-respecting modem can handle about two gigabytes of data per second.

53. Interbreeding is genetically possible with any creature from elsewhere in the universe.

54. Attractive women sometimes fall for weird-looking aliens, but attractive men only fall for attractive women.

55. The feasibility of an idea is inversely proportional to its initial apparent plausibility.

56. All writers are wealthy; all publishing companies are glamorous; all artists are self-supporting and have large attractive well-lit loft studios.

57. If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing St. Patrick's Day parade -- no matter what time of year it is. If you can't find a St. Patrick's Day parade, try for a Chinese New Year celebration and hide in the dragon.

58. A pudgy older star who's visibly falling behind his partner during a chase scene will catch up with him while the camera's looking away.

59. If a gas station and a man with a machine gun appear in the same scene, before the scene ends the gas station will explode. The same is true of fuel drums.

60. If you are trapped in a tunnel, in a sinking ship, or a burning building, a cute little girl, a nun, and a feisty granny will be trapped with you.

61. It's easy for anyone to land a plane, provided there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.

62. The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place. No one will ever think of looking for you in there. And you can travel to any other part of the building you want without difficulty.

63. No ship, base, or compound ever has more than one emergency radio.

64. By the 24th century the concepts of circuit breakers, fuses, and uninterruptable power supplies will have been lost.

65. Although in the 20th century it is possible to fire weapons at an object out of our visual range, people of the 23rd century will have lost this technology.

66. In the future, everyone will spend their time standing around explaining everyday objects and practices to each other in terms of their Twentieth-Century equivalents.

67. No monster-killing stratagem can be used more than once, even if it only failed through some bizarre fluke. Neither can it be refined and tried again. You have to start over with a completely different approach.

68. No matter how badly a spaceship is attacked, its internal gravity system is never damaged.

69. All aliens have single monolithic culture: one language, one religion, one outfit, one planet.

70. Good chess players can see fifteen or twenty moves ahead, in detail, from a middle game, where there are still many pieces on the board.

71. It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts -- your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.

72. You're very likely to survive any battle in any war -- unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.

73. Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language. A German accent will do.

74. When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.

75. You can see the Eiffel Tower from every window in Paris.

76. All telephone numbers in America begin with the digits 555.

77. A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating, but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.

78. Medieval peasants had perfect teeth.

79. The jungles of Vietnam were filled with Nautilus machines.

80. Stripping to the waist makes a man invulnerable to bullets.

81. Magical forces cluster in the visible portion of the electromagnetic spectrum.

82. Any person waking from a nightmare will sit bolt upright and pant.

83. If you have sex in the woods, you will die in the woods.

84. All beds have special "L"-shaped sheets which reach up to the armpit level on a woman but only to waist level on the man lying beside her.

85. All grocery shopping bags used to contain a bunch of celery. Now they all contain a baguette.

86. Even when driving down a perfectly straight road, it is necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments.

87. If there is a large bump in a downhill road, a speeding car will fly over it and hit the ground in shower of sparks. Unsecured passengers will not be injured, and no tire damage, broken axles, or suspension failures will occur. The car will then execute a sharp turn involving a skid.

88. If, during a fencing match, the combatants demonstrate their skill by cutting through all the candles on a candelabrum, the light level in the room will remain constant.

89. A slight blow to the head can cause total amnesia, but neither that nor a blow sufficient to knock a person unconscious is enough to cause concussion or other brain damage.

90. Losing a hand causes the stump of your arm to grow six inches.

91. Gunshot wounds will not disable you as long as you still have an important task left to do.

92. No one dies in an elevated position without falling from there to the ground, even if they have to jump to do it.

93. Anyone who falls from a high place while dying will let out a loud sustained shriek, even if they've just been shot several times in the chest.

94. No one involved in a car chase, hijacking, explosion, volcanic eruption or alien invasion will ever go into shock.

95. Any government-developed virus or biological agent will have no known cure.

96. An electric fence, powerful enough to kill a dinosaur, will cause no lasting damage to an eight year old child.

97. Electricity will travel any distance through water to electrocute the villain, rather than go immediately to ground (e.g. a toaster tossed into the shallow end of a swimming pool will nail the bad guy over by the diving board).

98. You can only electrocute someone while you are looking directly at them.

99. Circuit breakers don't work.

100. Once applied, lipstick will never rub off -- even while scuba diving.

101. A single match will be sufficient to light up a room the size of RFK Stadium.

102. Word processors never display a cursor on screen but will always say: Enter Password Now.

103. In you input a partial password on someone else's computer, the system will give you additional prompts that will enable you to guess the rest.

104. When paying for a taxi, don't look at your wallet as you take out a bill -- just grab one at random and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare.

105. Kitchens don't have light switches. When entering a kitchen at night, you should open the fridge door and use that light instead.

106. If a phone line is broken, communication can be restored by frantically pressing the cradle switch and saying, "Hello? Hello?"

107. If there is a deranged killer on the loose, this will coincide with a thunderstorm that has brought down all the power and phone lines in the vicinity.

108. It is not necessary to say "Hello" or "Goodbye" when beginning or ending phone conversations.

109. During a very emotional confrontation, instead of facing the person you are speaking to, it is customary to stand behind them and talk to their back.

110. Answering machines do not have messages from aluminum storm door salesmen.

111. Mothers routinely cook eggs, bacon and waffles for their family every morning even though their husband and children never have time to eat it.

112. Having a job of any kind will make all fathers forget their son's eighth birthday.

113. Incriminating evidence will always be found as photograph number four in a stack, or in the next to bottom drawer. Important data storage will have labels like "tape of Senator Foggbotham with underage girl" or "List of all nuclear launch codes."

114. Most people keep a scrapbook of newspaper cuttings, especially if any of their family or friends has died in a strange boating accident.

115. Villains are fond of explaining everything to anyone in sight.

116. Villains are improbably competent and inventive, but can only make money by pulling stupid robberies. They will risk everything they have and are to get revenge on some guy who once thwarted them.

117. Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their arch-enemies using complicated machinery involving fuses, pulley systems, deadly gases, lasers and man eating sharks that will allow their captives at least 20 minutes to escape.

118. Any priest is either kindly or the villain. While nuns can deliver exposition, nuns are never villains.

119. Everyone knows the words to every song you want to sing and will sing along with you. They can even carry the solo part so that they can sing the song back to you, even if they have never heard the song until you sang half of it.

120. If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps.

121. It is always possible to park directly outside the building you are visiting.

122. Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at that precise moment.

123. Dogs always know who's bad and will naturally bark at them.

124. Most dogs are immortal.

125. Larry King plays himself.

126. You can stop a runaway car by crashing it into a wall at the bottom of a long hill, but not at the top.

127. The most unstable object in creation is a roadside fruit seller's cart.

128. If a large pane of glass is visible, someone will be thrown through it before long.

129. When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in your room will still be clearly visible, just slightly bluish.

130. Light level is not a reliable gauge of whether it's night outside. You have to judge by the cricket noises.

131. You can always find a chainsaw when you need one.

132. All loose ends are always tied up.

Persepolis and other things...

2008-03-04T00:31:00.000-05:00

On Persepolis:
I have officially both read the book and seen the movie, and think that this is an official classic in my book. I can't wait for the next installment.

It changed the way I think about myself and what I value as a woman. Right now, I feel like I'm in the part of my life after Marjane comes back from Vienna and is all like whatever about how everyone has changed. I relate to her a lot, I think. I feel like we are alike in our knowledge of the importance of family, which is inconsistent for this age. Marjane is my hero.

On Life:
I want to go home. FSU and school are not my thing. I was not made to sit and write about silly things that don't matter. If I had more balls I'd transfer and go abroad for some amazing cause. But I'm a coward and I don't think I could handle it if things got worse for me right now.
The only people who seems interested in me are Antoine, the dude who lives in a hickish nowhere town and can't afford to come see me, and Nick my TA from last semester, who is too old and too dork. As excited and different as this time is for me I'm ready to be genuinely happy. I'm ready to see the family again, I'm ready to meet prince charming, I'm ready to make amazing movies that rival the literary intricacies of Persepolis. I'm ready for peace.

Ink Inquiry

2007-12-17T11:45:00.000-05:00

So incase you did not know, I am a lover of tattoos. Tattoos make me go nuts, the whole idea of decorating your body and having meaningful piece permanently etched on my body turns me on. I already have one tattoo, and my next piece is going to be especially meaningful to me. I want it to be a piece about my father. When I was a young kid, my parents took me to Taos, NM a lot. We would ski, hike, hot air balloon, ride horses lots of fun stuff. I really connect to the whole southwestern indian thing because its the style that reminds me most of my parents and my childhood home (thats the style my mother decorated the house with).

I know thats what I want my next piece to be about but I'm not sure where I want it to go and who I want to do it. I know I want it to be big and intricate, possible a sleeve.

I also have this idea to incorperate the piece with a female and male Kokopelli; to represent my mother and late father.

If anybody has any ideas about who would be best for a piece like this or an idea that could help me tie everything together I would be very much obliged!

2007-12-17T09:10:00.000-05:00

Its so relaxing to be done with my first semester of classes!

Goals:

1. Finish gift shopping.

2. Spend quality time with Mom.

3. Pick up the bro from school.

4. Take the cat to the vet.

5. Revel in the fact that I don't have to be in school right now!

Mood: Pleasantly lazy...

: )

2007-12-13T11:54:00.000-05:00

I feel like a train has hit me. I’m not hung-over, perhaps a little cranky but that still doesn’t explain how I’m feeling. I feel like a tool and I want to go home. I want to be with my family who loves me and leave these people who refuse to. I hate teenagers; you open your heart to them and laugh at it before tossing back. I can’t deal with this business of not being feeling loved. In Miami, people are so warm. They kiss you hello, they hug you and mean it. Here all the people around me only love me when it’s convenient to them. I want to be held and I want my phone to ring of its own accord. I want to eat delicious food and sleep in my bed. I’m tired of this bullshit.

Goals:

Study for Math Test.

Look at property.

Try not to kill myself.

Pack for home.

Mood: Volatile.

Two days before I go home again...

2007-12-12T16:20:00.000-05:00

So today my roommate moved out. I moved my shit around, the room is nice and open now.
: )
I am so happy the semester is over.

Goals:

1. Turn in film paper

2. convince my friend Chelsea to look at apartments/houses with me tomorrow

3. Start studying for math final on Friday

Mood: refreshed

10 dec 2007

2007-12-10T13:23:00.000-05:00

Goals for the day:

1. finish or get halfway done with my intro to film paper

2. study for my american studies exam

Mood:
fatigued, anxious

In response to the people attacking the golden compass...

2007-12-10T13:20:00.001-05:00

The religious zealots that have been attacking this series have clearly missed the entire point. Saying that this series is about "killing god" is like saying that the bible is about killing Jesus. The bible is not about killing Jesus, but about Jesus giving himself over to be killed, sacrificing himself to save humanity, and rising again. It is a story of resurrection - not death. In a similar vein, the "Dark Materials" series in NOT about killing god. The main characters do not kill him. In the series, "god" has been imprisoned, and the world is ruled by Metatron, a rogue angel. Metatron does not rule according to "gods" plan inthe book, but instead has replaced gods rule with his own twisted intentions. (much in the way that organized religion has perverted the true meaning of spirituality and communing with god in the real world) In the end of the series, Metatron is defeated. God is set free from his prison, and dissolves - becoming one with the world again, as was meant to be. The uninformed, supposedly Christian masses that are bashing this work as anti-god are the same types of fools who were running around burning witches a few hundred years ago. If you really are at all alarmed by the themes in the series of books and the movies to come, read them and watch them WITH your children, and discuss the topic. Making a big deal about boycotting the books and movies will only make the stories more appealing to kids, turning them into forbidden fruit. And if god couldn't keep forbidden fruit out of the hands of Adam and Eve, despite being allpowerful, then what chance to you really have of keeping forbidden fruit away from your kids? None... none at all.

Review of The Golden Compass: <3333

2007-12-08T03:22:00.000-05:00

The Golden Compass was the first book I ever read for myself as a child. It challenged the way I thought about the world and the psychology of people in general. It inspired me to dream about things I never had before, a made me love fantasy in a way simplistic children's book still don't (Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, Eragon...etc. they all sucked). Those books never made you think, they never erased the line between black and white, good and evil. In His Dark Materials, no character is completely good, nor completely evil. This series surpasses all of those in a way that nobody seems to really appreciate or understand. If I ever had children, these are the books that I will give them.

However, the movie... :/

The movie itself was kind of rushed and the writing for it was just horrible. But that aside the actors did such a wonderful job with what they were given. The score ruined parts of the movie and made it more melodramatic and campy. But the part where the bear storyline was amazing. The scene where the bears fight to see who's king was very well done and surprisingly reflective of the ominous nature of the book with the old bear king's jaw was ripped off. I was kind of sad to see the book's serious nature and violence tossed aside. The violence in the book was really tasteful, yet trilling and realistic at the same time. Death in the movie is completey ignored and toned down for the american censors.

But despite all of that:

I loved it, despite the flaws in its conversion from page to screen. Don't go into it with high expectations and try to take it as it is and you'll enjoy it and be inspired. I know I was. Above all if you haven't, read the book. Pullman's universe becomes to dear to you, 9 years after I first read it, no book has topped His Dark Materials.
: )

got a case of the mondays, tuesdays and wednesdays..

2007-12-03T11:54:00.000-05:00

So I'm going to try and start using this more often. In that attempt I'll use this format when I don't have anything prolific to say.

Goals for the day:
1. To find resources for my paper about the evolution of feminism through comic books.

2. To study for my film class quiz on Wednesday and find copies of Question of Silence and Marie Antoinette so I can start my paper.

Mood: Overwhelmed

Looking forward to: going to see the golden compass in costume, the first showing; 12:30 am early Friday morning.

<३

2007-12-03T11:40:00.000-05:00

The Golden Compass was the first book I ever read for myself as a child. It was one of the first few books that inspired me creatively to become a Cinematographer and a screenwriter. So as you can imagine I am very excited to see this come out, I'm even going to dress up. Lol, yes I am a dork. I think that if the movies turn out anything like the Amber Spyglass, a very positive and family friendly view of atheism will be presented. The fact that people hate this movie so much is a good thing, more people will go see it now. As an agnostic raised Jewish, my parents nor I ever found this book offensive for one second. The fact that Metatron becomes the true antagonist in this series and not Authority, should be enough to appease the more reasonable 'fanatics' saying this movie poisons the mind of children. This debate reminds me of those parents in the 50's saying that comic books cause juvenile delinquency. What they actually did was inspire a whole generation of children to create the fantastic adventures available to our children today. If your child becomes an atheist because of His Dark Materials, then obviously you haven't been or presented him/her with a very supportive Christian role model. Once bitten twice shy, as it's said. The kinder hand wields the power over the kennel. As I have said before, I go in with high hopes for this movie, I just hope I come out with as much or more as I bring in.

Avarice and Malice

2007-11-24T01:33:00.000-05:00

This is an Italian sonnet:

Take a moment to hear the stagnant wind
Old ghosts hang around my feet in shadow
I walk but their hands cling unto marrow
A cigarette to get around the din
A taut mind cannot forgive its avid sins
As it climbs atop the blazing cosmos
On the pained backs of those who did follow
Conscious heavy; I should have thicker skin
Avowal and thoughts about the future
Trips unto forgiveness and dignity
Roll the wrong forward, away from pity
I'm sorry goes a long way to suture
Ancient bonds broken by avidity
In lack of hope for a decent future

so it begins

2007-11-23T23:33:00.001-05:00

Sometimes I think the people in high school were right about me. They thought I was kind of arrogant. It is just a little pretentious to start a blog and contend in my mind the people who's blogs I read will find any interest in my less than thrilling little life. When I think blogs that actually mean something, I think Army of Dude, Riverbend and people like that whose lives are in the now of the world. Their lives hang in the balance everyday, and despite my feelings about the Iraq war, Army of Dude does something. He saves lives and changes lives on a daily basis, regardless of the politics surrounding the war and whatnot, that you can't argue with.

I go to FSU and do film there. Which is cool and exciting and I love movies and really do want to make them and be involved with that, but sometimes I feel like by doing that I'm somehow doing something wrong. I hear about people going abroad and helping others, and my heart shrivels with guilt. Film at my school is a really good thing to be involved with, and if I do something crazy, like randomly decide to go study somewhere out in the real world I lose my place in the program. I've already started building a life in tallahassee, and to leave it now on this sort of whim would be a really impulsive decision on my part and I may regret it later.

The more I think about it, and think about my problems finding my place, the more I want to do it. Just become an expatriate and try to live with my fingers closer to the pulse of the world. On the other hand, a large part of the reason I feel this way is because of the usual feeling of displacement people feel when they first go to college. Sometimes I think these feelings are temporary, sometimes I think I'm seeing clearly.

Writing teachers throughout my life have always told me that I have a distinct voice and a strong sense of identity, and so did I till I got out here. I used to accept certain things about my life and not question the things that couldn't feasibly change. Now regardless of the subject, I question everything externally and internally. I fee disoriented, hung over from the chaotic mesh of drugs and philosophy that was highs school. Now that the road is clear I feel like I got bad directions. In high school it was all about how well you were on your way to doing what you want to do career and life-wise. It was about knowing it and holding it up to other as both a metal and a shield against the malice of others. I held film up as my shield to the cruelty of immature and pent up high school girls. Now that I don't need to have that sort of face anymore, I'm really starting to wonder whether I really want to be doing this right now.

The american lifestyle is such a blind state of existence. I want to feel like the fog has lifted for the first time in my life. I want to wake up and know that what I'm doing matters and that I exist for the benefit of someone besides myself.

Bottom line, I want to go look for myself. Going to FSU has done wonders for how I perceive my future to be, but now that I see the path I'm walking I'm not sure its such a direct route to happiness.

On the other hand, I haven't exactly been the best person who follows through with things. In the course of my childhood, I quit and join at least seven sports, theatre, violin, photography, drawing... lots of stuff. I don't want to add college, or something that really could be my passion in life to that quit list.

As hard as I try to be different I find myself just as cliche.