Tuesday, June 2, 2009


Dear Mothers who tell their sons not to have relationships in college,

Fuck you, you saggy, smug, old cunts. Were you not once young? How dare you sabotage an entire generation of men already commitment phobic from having healthy relationships with girls their own age. Who are you to say when the right time to meet someone is? How dare you scare the male species into being LESS mature. You must be some kind of cold emotionless bitch to reduce a potential daughter-in-law into being your son's 'friend with benefits.' It seems to be the only way to even get a guy to consider spending time with you is to convince him that you don't want a relationship. Its women like you that reduce the majority of the female species into horny, stupid girls who settle with guys that don't deserve them. How about instead of telling your son how and when to date, instill in him some manner of how to treat the female species. Your son probably doesn't see past a big pair of tits and a tight cunt because you don't want him to "get hung up on a girl." You are a traitor to your sex.
You are contributing to the death of love and monogamy.

How the fuck do you sleep at night?
La Vie Whitnae

Friday, May 1, 2009

How to help those who won't help themselves

I have a friend whose circling the gutter. He thinks the options in front of him are so grim that he slights any suggestion I make for him to try and improve himself.
I wouldn't be the happiest camper if i were him either, but... if I were him, I wouldn't write my life off because I thought it was hard, or because I didn't want to do the hard parts of it along with the easy ones.

So today based on the following advice, I follow a new policy:

"Clinical depression is a serious illness but far to often clients with depression use it as an excuse for unexceptable behavior. They begin to feel entitled because of their illness. They aren't really addressing their illness aggressively either. They become content with not working and having someone else pick up the tab for what is essentially their laziness.
This might sound like I'm bashing a mentally ill person but I've seen alot of people with depression, very severe depression, who really want to be better and so do whatever they can to continue being productive. These people force themselves to eat right, exercise, take their meds, not drink or do drugs, socialize a little, and work, even when that is a very difficult thing to do. "

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Good Vs Bad

I don't have the energy to write about something that requires brain work. I do have enough energy to write a list. Hopefully it'll clue in those who care about what's up.

The Bad:

1. My Mom put my cat down, I've had him since I was 6. I didn't get a chance to say goodbye.
2. I can't get a permit to shoot a student documentary in Miami this weekend. So either I shoot everything on private property (which would be mad boring) or I shoot it illegal and forgo any chance of this hitting the festival circuit.
3. I haven't been able to go to sleep before 4am this past week, even though I have to get up super early.
4. The Documentary I'm making is about how my best friend is a porn star, which my mom can't know. Which I must keep a secret from her and have to hide from her when she asks me to see the finished product.
5. My love life is dead, I don't even like anyone or find anyone within a 5 mile radius worth my time.

The Good:
1. Its almost summer. Even though I'll be on set, at least life will be simpler.
2. I'm really happy about the people I'm going to be working with next fall.
3. I have some money for the first time since March.
4. The stuff I'm working on for the most part is really satisfying.
5. I'm feeling super inspired lately.
6. There are no stupid, selfish, anti-commitment guys to deal with right now.
7. My hair is awesome... and blonde! :D
8. My upcoming projects are really promising.

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

FSU prepares to eliminate 21 programs and close Panama City campus


Florida State administrators this afternoon released a draft of proposed wide-sweeping cutbacks at the university, based on current reductions in state revenue.

If enacted, they would dramatically alter the university as we know it.

Twenty-one degree programs at FSU would be eliminated, including anthropology, German, oceanography, physical education and hospitality and golf management.

Numerous other programs would be reduced, merged or restructured. The Panama City campus would close effective Jan. 1, 2010. And approximately 350 faculty members would be laid off.

“It’s almost unbearable to consider,” FSU President T.K. Wetherell said. “This is going to have a lot of ramifications.”

The draft of cutbacks came out of the university’s budget crisis committee, which met earlier today. It was the first time specific programs were targeted for elimination.

Wetherell has scheduled a town hall meeting for next Tuesday to discuss the university’s plan for addressing the massive reductions in state aid. He’s expecting members of the Faculty Senate to have a counter-proposal to the draft released on Monday.

Music professor Jayne Standley, president of FSU’s Faculty Senate, believes the Legislature holds the power to change the budget forecasts.

“These (cutbacks) don’t have to happen,” she said. “The Legislature could solve this problem by solving the revenue problem in Florida.

“The size of the cuts that may be necessary are devastating,” Standley added. “I think the sum total is overwhelming and really will damage the university that Florida State has become.”

The state Senate and House will begin debating their respective higher education budgets this week.

FSU stands to receive $28.2 million less for the 2009-10 school year than it did in 2008-09 based on the Senate version, and $78.2 million less in the current House budget.

Senator Don Gaetz, a Republican from Niceville, said he sympathizes with Wetherell and FSU.

“In the toughest economy since the Great Depression, when nobody in my district is telling me the answer to their problems is for government to get a bigger slice of the pie, I’ve cast some pretty tough votes to increase fees up and down the line,” Gaetz said.

“We looked in the basement of the Capitol to see if there was some Confederate gold buried there,” he added. “There wasn’t. There’s no magic money.”

Programs targeted for elimination:
Apparel Design
Geophysical Fluid Dynamics
Geological Sciences
Molecular Biophysics
Hospitality & Golf Management
Physical Education
Science Education (College of Education)
Behavioral Psychology
Software Engineering
Art Education
Studio Art
Recreational Management
Slavic Languages
Art Administration

Monday, April 13, 2009

Woody Harrelson claims he mistook photographer for zombie


By Alan Duke

(CNN) -- Woody Harrelson defended his clash with a photographer at a New York airport Wednesday night as a case of mistaken identity -- he says he mistook the cameraman for a zombie.
Woody Harrelson says he got into a clash with a photographer because he mistook him for a zombie.

Woody Harrelson says he got into a clash with a photographer because he mistook him for a zombie.

The TMZ photographer filed a complaint with police claiming the actor damaged his camera and pushed him in the face at La Guardia Airport, according to an airport spokesman.

"We're looking into this allegation and if it's warranted, we'll turn it over to the proper authorities," said Port Authority of New York and New Jersey spokesman Ron Marsico.

The photographer, who was not identified, captured the encounter on a small camera after his larger one was broken.

Harrelson, who is being sued by another TMZ photographer for an alleged assault in 2006, did not deny his involvement.

"I wrapped a movie called 'Zombieland,' in which I was constantly under assault by zombies, then flew to New York, still very much in character," Harrelson said in a statement issued Friday by his publicist.

"With my daughter at the airport I was startled by a paparazzo, who I quite understandably mistook for a zombie," he said.

TMZ.com posted two videos of the incident, including one recorded by the larger camera before it was damaged.

The first video shows the photographer following Harrelson and his daughter down an escalator and out of the terminal. It ends with Harrelson apparently reaching for the lens.
Don't Miss

* Time: Zombies are the new vampires

The second video begins with the photographer accusing Harrelson of breaking his camera.

After Harrelson returns the camera to him, a scuffle appears to ensue.

"Woody, this is assault. Woody, this is assault," the photographer is heard saying. "Woody, chill out. Would you please chill out?"

The photographer continues to follow Harrelson for another four minutes as the actor and his daughter walk to the airport parking lot. At one point, Harrelson again turns toward the cameraman.

"I'm being chased by Woody Harrelson while I'm talking to you," the photographer says as he talks to an unidentified person on a cell phone.

"He hit me in my face, he broke my friggin' camera, he broke the camera in pieces," he said.

Harrelson, his daughter and a driver get inside an SUV and the encounter ends.

In the movie "Zombieland," Harrelson plays "the most frightened person on Earth" looking for refuge from zombies, according to the Internet Movie Database

Filming on the movie wrapped in Atlanta, Georgia, on Wednesday, according to director Ruben Fleischer's Web site.

TMZ photographer Josh Levine filed a lawsuit against Harrelson last year for an alleged attack outside a Hollywood nightclub in 2006.

Video of that incident, which is also posted on TMZ.com, also appeared to show Harrelson grabbing a camera and clashing with the photographer.

Los Angeles prosecutors declined to press charges against the actor, but Levine filed a suit last summer asking for $2.5 million in damages.

"Woody Harrelson has a history of anger management issues with people and we intend to put a stop to this," Cyrus Nownejad, Levine's lawyer, said Friday.

TMZ is partly owned by AOL, part of CNN's parent company, Time Warner.

Sunday, February 22, 2009

vid blog 2: Challenge!

Reasons why I am the perfect woman for a 35 year old professional

1. Guys are scared of growing old, dating someone hot and younger makes them feel better about themselves. Being both younger and “hot” to the right people (those who like more than boobs on a stick) I fulfill those fantasies.
2. I too have strong career goals.
3. I am in my 20’s (just entered, yay) so therefore I am a ball of spontaneity and playfulness. This keeps guys enthused and is a necessary part of any relationship.
4. I am ready to try something serious.
5. Though my hands have been bitten many times (and continues to be bitten). I am still willing to hold my heart out with both hands.
6. Older guys do not always have the energy that young men do. They like to be challenged but they also like to lay back. I am not terribly athletic and enjoy my days in bed sometimes. Therefore I am a great homebody companion for lazy days. Conversely, I can never have enough sex. Who can hate that?
7. I tolerate shit for the sake of generosity and giving people a fair try.
8. I like shared showers.
9. Guys with goals turn me on, but success isn’t something that drives my emotions.
10. Getting dressed up is fun to me.
11. I’ll go to any party: wine party, kegger, or family luau… I mean really who cares. It’s a true test of two people’s relationship to see if they can really have fun wherever they go. That’s how I know my best friend Shaayna and I are made for each other.
12. I hate people who complain about getting up before noon.
13. My loyalty is not dependant on what time you come home.

In conclusion, I am tired of fucking dealing with shallow ass Tallahassee people. It doesn’t even really matter whether I want to date them, fuck them or just plain and simply to be their friend. There is something about his town that turns people into flakes. People will take your feelings and stomp on you as if you were a cigarette butt. I feel like every friendship/relationship I have up here is on a timer. Everyone just smiles and laughs as the timer ticks by. At the first sign of distaste they abandon you, and show no desire to patch things up.
I hate it.
Sometimes I think its on par with the disvalue of human life. I mean, if we don’t look at each encounter as a gift from God, who knows how we might think back on the present. Who knows what pain our rash actions today may cost us later? I wish people here could just grow the fuck up. Or I wish I could get the fuck out. Really, I just want to join a scene where people don’t take others for granted.

Monday, February 16, 2009

Dating While In A Temporary Mindset

I have a new version of the "i have a friend" speak:

I am going to tell this story in first person HOWEVER...This is not about me, this story is not about anyone in particular. I just feel this lesson needs to be shared.

Seriously, hoW are you mad at me fore being with other guys when you yourself have been doing the same with other girls.

Seriously, am I not with a new girl every month.

First of all its none of your business what I do, if you don't want to have sex with me anymore no one is forcing you.

Look I'm not calling you a slut. I just don't want to do this activity with you because this is more of a date than I'm not comfortable with yet in the trust dept.

This is ridiculous, I have never fucked someone or even flirted with someone all hardcore in front of you ever. When you're with me I give you most of my attention.

Yeah but the last two people you slept with are just a little to close for comfort in my book as far as friends go.

You mean the last two people you happen to know! Neither of them are your best friends. Besides, I slept with one in high school when I was 17 years old.

Look I just don't want to go on a date with you. I like you but I just don't think you're ready for a committed relationship.

You spend half you week drunk after 9 pm and I get up at 8 am on the dot 6 days a week and I"M the immature irresponsible one?!?

I just need time and I need you to-

Why are you doing this? Why can't we just date and see what happens? I'm not asking you to introduce me as your girlfriend and to suddenly commit to all these...things! I'm asking you to try it with me. Lets see if it works, who cares if it doesn't.
I would stop sleeping with other people if you promised me some emotional security. Let's make love instead of having sex!

I just can't. I'm sorry, I like you a lot. I just need to hear from you that you're going to allow what we have to transform your flirtatious behavior with other guys.

And the minute you do the same is the minute you earn my commitment. I will not allow you to do this double standard bullshit at me twice.

Whatever, I have never slept with one of your friends-

Those guys are not you friends-

OR compared you to other people in anyway!

Oh yes you do. You do it everyday. I'd just rather have us be honest than lie to each other.

Wednesday, February 11, 2009


This is kind of old, I think by now everyone knows about the "overheard" craze. But for those who haven't its basically people writing into their overheard site (which could be organized by their college or their region) about funny shit they hear strangers say.

Here are a few of my favorites:


You Look a Lot Different Vertical

Suit: Hey, Tom! Tom!
Tom: Hey there.
Suit: Nice to see you fully clothed for a change. (winks)
Tom (looks around, sees bystanders eavesdropping): Yeah, uh, (raises voice) See you at the gym, Dan. (turns around abruptly, hurries into building)

--53rd & 5th

She Pays Hobos by the Hour, to Reinforce Her Dictation

Conductor: Next stop, 81st Street, Museum of Natural History.
Mom to young son: Okay, sweetie, this is our stop for the museum.
Six-year-old boy: But mom, I wanna go to Central Park instead!
Hobo: Listen to your mother, boy! Go the museum. Git yerself some edjumicate... Edjcation...go learn something!
Six-year-old boy: Mommy, what did he say?
Mom: He said, "don't be fucking stupid." Let's go.

I Dig Chicks With Mustaches

Russian girl to hipster: What's wrong with your hair?
Hipster: I dunno, what's wrong with your face?
Russian girl: (silence)
Hipster: So, what's your name?

--Q Train

They Really Should Have Rehearsed

Intercom hijacker #1 playing rap music: All aboard, all aboard...
Intercom hijacker #2: I wanna give a shout-out to my nigga, Antoine...
Intercom hijacker #1: And my nigga Ruiz...
Conductor: If you do not get off this intercom, I will have you arrested at the next stop!
Intercom hijacker #1: Whatever, nigga. Y'all on this train can suck a dick.
Intercom hijacker #2: Y'all can die.
Intercom hijacker #1: Yeah. Y'all can die... on a dick.

--6 train

Fill My Teeth With Jelly

Asian guy: So you really love chicken, huh?
Big white guy: Actually no, its not really healthy to eat a lot of meat.
Asian guy (looking confused): But you eat all those crazy amounts of skittles in your desk, right?
Big white guy: Yeah, but I don't have any cavities. I mean, I had some and got them filled, but I don't have any cavities right now.

--Wall St

Not NY

Not the First Time He's Had to Clarify That Today

Guy: That motherfucking cop has driven past here twice in the last fifteen minutes.
Cop (on car's loudspeaker): I'm not a motherfucker.

University of Georgia
Athens, Georgia

Whoever Cares the Least Wins the Fight

Woman (sarcastically): I'm sorry, I'm such a bitch.
Man: Hmm...
Woman: You think I'm a bitch, don't you?
Man: I didn't say that.
Woman: You didn't disagree with me.
Man: You know yourself better than I do.
Woman: I can't believe you called me a bitch.
Man: I didn't call you a bitch, you called yourself a bitch.
Woman: But you didn't tell me I'm not a bitch.
Man: Because you're acting like a bitch.
Woman: See? You think I'm a bitch!
Man: I said you were acting like a bitch.
Woman: Whats the difference?
Man: Dustin Hoffman acted like a retard, but it doesn't mean he is one.
Woman: I don't know what that's supposed to mean, but you're a dick for thinking I'm a bitch.
Man: Do you mean I'm acting like a dick or I am a dick?
Woman: Fuck you! (storms out)
Man: Too easy. Caramel Macchiato please!

Westminster, Colorado

If I Show You a Boob, Will You Forget This Lecture Ever Happened?

Moral and religious education teacher, describing opening scene of Gridiron Gang: So the movie opens, right, and you hear all these guns going off, and everyone's gangbanging everywhere...
Students: (silence, then loud raucous laughter)
Teacher: Oh, Jesus Christ... I mean they're shooting loads at each other... Oh god, no...

Centennial Regional High School

Although I Do Like the Nightlife

Queer, when Bible-thumping lady splashes him with holy water: I'm a faggot, not a vampire. There's a difference.

San Luis Obispo Gay Pride Festival
San Francisco, California

Probably the Funniest Thing Ever Uttered in a Statistics Class

Indian professor with thick accent: Okay class. If I flip this coin 50 times, what is the probability that I get head?
Dude in the back: Man, I could flip a coin 100 times and I'm still not gettin' head.
(class bursts into hysterical laughter)
Indian professor
: What? What did I say?

Statistics Class, George Washington University
Washington, DC

But No One Who Speaks German Could Be a Mean Guy!

American guy: Could you stamp my passport, please? It's a hobby of mine.
Passport checker to coworker, in German: These damn Americans always want something. Look, they've all got booze and bags and t-shirts. Now they want stamps.
American girl: Sir, I'd like mine stamped, too.
Passport checker, in German: I bet that girl was here to fuck guys. American girls become sluts in Europe.
American girl: Sir, that's not very nice!
Passport checker, still in German: I hate it when they know German. Then we can't talk about them!